Yo Ho Ho! It's officially Christmas season!
My cousin Bobberto Rodriguez Phamingo Diego Martinez Montoya Lopez Gomez sent me a photo of me last year at our family Christmas party. This is when we were singing Christmas carols.
That reminded me to send a letter to Santa. I send him a letter every year. Actually, that's a slight exaggeration. I only wrote Santa once before, including this time. The following is an actual transcript of the actual letter.
Dear Santa,
'Sup bitch?
This year I have been particularly good. In case you were too busy eatting, you fat slob, here is a list of five of the many great things I have done so far:
1. I was awarded the Noble peace prize for literature for my short story, The Title of This Short Story is Actually the Entire Story.
2. I single-handedly saved three lives by performing colonoscopies on four elderly llamas. With my other hand, I delivered twins in a parked car in a traffic jam during rush hour. One of the twins, Handsome Awesomesky, is named after me.
3. I ate zucchini.
4. Figured out something to put in the space for #4 on the list of five great things I have done this year.
5. Won the inventor of the year award for coming up with a way to not be naked under my clothes.
So, as you clearly see, you should bring me these gifts. There are in no particular order. Some things on the list have links with more data, pictures, etc.
When H.A.R.L.I.E. Was One by David Gerrold - This is a sci-fi novel. I'd like a new (as in not used) copy, hardcover if it was even printed in hardcover. Good luck finding this.
An 18" K Constantinople Crash Cymbal - You can learn about this cymbal here and purchase it here. I'll need a good, double braced, boom cymbal stand for this as well.
Star Wars Battlefront II for Playstation 2
Lego Bricks -
- 2 X 4 Black Plates
- 1 X 6 Black Plates
- 1 X 6 White plates
- Assorted Jumper Plates
- 2 X 2 Smooth Top (SNOT) Plates
50 Lbs. of Domestic 2-Row Pale Malt - Unmilled
A Home Cheapo gift certificate so I can buy things I want without Michelle telling me I don't need it.
Tools
- 6" or 8" C-clamp (not a cheesy Hell*Mart version)
- 18" bar clamp/spreader (IRWIN makes some good clamps)
- 24" Pipe clamp (try Pony)
- A Stanley carpenter's square like this one.
A Minus the Bear CD other than Menos El Oso, which I already own.
Korg Chromatic Tuner - the one in the link exactly.
A 14" Evans Genera Coated Snare Drum Batter Head. After rocking like John Bonham for 10 months on my old drumhead, the top ply finally cracked. Now I need a new one.
I could also use a good 8' step ladder.
This Thrashers shirt, in XL because I'm fat.
That's all I can think of now. Maybe Michelle knows something else I might deserve.
Thanks Santa!
Love,
Mike
PS If you read this blog Santa, please share this wishlist with anyone who might buy me presents.
That reminded me to send a letter to Santa. I send him a letter every year. Actually, that's a slight exaggeration. I only wrote Santa once before, including this time. The following is an actual transcript of the actual letter.
Dear Santa,
'Sup bitch?
This year I have been particularly good. In case you were too busy eatting, you fat slob, here is a list of five of the many great things I have done so far:
1. I was awarded the Noble peace prize for literature for my short story, The Title of This Short Story is Actually the Entire Story.
2. I single-handedly saved three lives by performing colonoscopies on four elderly llamas. With my other hand, I delivered twins in a parked car in a traffic jam during rush hour. One of the twins, Handsome Awesomesky, is named after me.
3. I ate zucchini.
4. Figured out something to put in the space for #4 on the list of five great things I have done this year.
5. Won the inventor of the year award for coming up with a way to not be naked under my clothes.
So, as you clearly see, you should bring me these gifts. There are in no particular order. Some things on the list have links with more data, pictures, etc.
When H.A.R.L.I.E. Was One by David Gerrold - This is a sci-fi novel. I'd like a new (as in not used) copy, hardcover if it was even printed in hardcover. Good luck finding this.
An 18" K Constantinople Crash Cymbal - You can learn about this cymbal here and purchase it here. I'll need a good, double braced, boom cymbal stand for this as well.
Star Wars Battlefront II for Playstation 2
Lego Bricks -
- 2 X 4 Black Plates
- 1 X 6 Black Plates
- 1 X 6 White plates
- Assorted Jumper Plates
- 2 X 2 Smooth Top (SNOT) Plates
50 Lbs. of Domestic 2-Row Pale Malt - Unmilled
A Home Cheapo gift certificate so I can buy things I want without Michelle telling me I don't need it.
Tools
- 6" or 8" C-clamp (not a cheesy Hell*Mart version)
- 18" bar clamp/spreader (IRWIN makes some good clamps)
- 24" Pipe clamp (try Pony)
- A Stanley carpenter's square like this one.
A Minus the Bear CD other than Menos El Oso, which I already own.
Korg Chromatic Tuner - the one in the link exactly.
A 14" Evans Genera Coated Snare Drum Batter Head. After rocking like John Bonham for 10 months on my old drumhead, the top ply finally cracked. Now I need a new one.
I could also use a good 8' step ladder.
This Thrashers shirt, in XL because I'm fat.
That's all I can think of now. Maybe Michelle knows something else I might deserve.
Thanks Santa!
Love,
Mike
PS If you read this blog Santa, please share this wishlist with anyone who might buy me presents.
Labels: helpful info, holidays, useless self promoting info
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