11/06/09: Friday Five

PreS. I know I can't count anymore...

Magnus Opum: Bands' best CDs (so far for some)

Minus the Bear - Planet of Ice (They Make Beer Commericals Like This is a close second)
Bjork - Vespertine <-- This one is probably my favorite of the bunch. Radiohead - OK Computer
Jimmie's Chicken Shack - Bring Your Own Stereo
The Mars Volta - De-Loused in the Comatorium
Soundgarden - Superunknown
Alice in Chains - Dirt
Stone Temple Pilots - Tiny Music...Songs from the Vacitan Gift Shop


That's about all the bands I have all or most of their albums. Most other bands I like I only have a few albums or only buy the songs I like.

Suck it Trebek,
Mike

Helen, you little hussy

I'm seriously considering purchasing The Fall of Troy's newest album In the Unlikely Event. I'm even thinking of getting the real CD (not just crappy mp3's --with all their digital clipping and other such limitations the average peon's ears can't detect but are there nonetheless tainting the music like the space between). Then I can lick the plastic at night before I go to sleep.

You can wiggle, you can dance, part 2

So I walked into the bathroom and noticed pee pee all over the seat and toilet and floor. I know for a fact my pee pee was only on the front of the toilet. I clinched my hand into a fist...

Logan!!!




LOGAN!!!!

Advertising

I've been seriously considering putting some ads on my blog. The extra 49¢ per year of income will really go a long way towards my dream of one day owning my own pony, Master Fredrickson Appleworth III. I will ride him all around that circle at High Meadow ALL DAY LONG!!! I love him!!
So anyway if you see some ads, don't be alarmed or discouraged, click on them, knowing that you're helping me and my children live the lives of kings.

That reminds me, are you bothered by feminine itching and odor? It used to be a problem for me, but I don't worry about it anymore. Not since I tried Vagasil® Deodorant Powder. Vagasil® is the natural choice for feminine hygiene and care. A few little squirts and everything is minty fresh again. I wouldn't leave home without it.

Vagasil®, These beats are so Fresh!.

Smell ya later!

You can wiggle, you can dance...

Something I don't like:
When I use the restroom at the store and after washing my hands, use the Xlerator to dry them, the overpowered blast of air shoots water drops all over my crotch and when I leave the restroom, people think I got pee pee on my pants.

This is Darryl, and my other brother Darryl...

When we're out and about with the twins, I'm totally shocked by how often people ask if they are twins. Seriously? You can't tell? What do you think they are? Idiots.

Rather than let loose a string of obscenities at the obviously retarded questioner, Michelle and I have resorted to getting as much entertainment out of it as possible.

DUMBASS: Are those twins?
ME: Oh no, one is almost 2, but he's a midget.

STUPIDSHIT: Are those twins?
MICHELLE: No, they're actually 9 months apart. I didn't think you could get pregnant having sex in the maternity ward.

ASSMOUTH: Are they twins?
MICHELLE: No they're triplets.
ASSMOUTH: Oh, the third one's with someone else?
MICHELLE: No, he's right... (frantically) oh no!!! Oh no!! Someone stole my baby!

FARTKNOCKER: Are those twins?
ME: No, only one is a real baby, the other is a robot.
(One time I tried this the FARTKNOCKER actually replied, "No, seriously, are they twins?" Stupid...)

ASSYNUTS: Do twins run in your family?
MICHELLE: Well, my husband and I are twins.
ASSYNUTS: Really? That's amazing, you and your husband, both twins.
MICHELLE: Yeah. Our mommy was praying for twins and she done got 'em.

ANUSSNIFFER: Are they twins?
ME: I not really sure.

SCROTUMCHEESE: Are those twins?
MICHELLE: No, we bought one.

RABBITHUMPER: Are they twins?
MICHELLE: Huh? What the f.... how do these keep in my shopping cart?

BOOGEREATER: Are those twins?
ME: Are what twins?
BOOGEREATER: Those babies.
ME: What babies?

Got any ideas? Let me know.

S.I.T.

109

So now I'm 1 billion seconds old. (Probably more than a billion by the time you read this.) If only I had 1¢ for each of those seconds.

1 billion seems like a lot. That's because it is. And chances are, you've been around for more seconds than I have. Ha!