Koala Swimwear
I got some mail the other day. Besides fan mail, usually, my mail consists of bills (this kind of life is getting expensive, we know how to live baby...), beer brewing magazines, Toyfare, or junk for Logan. But the other day, I got this in the mail.
It's from Victoria's Secret, and it's for free panties, but it was addressed to me. So I went to Victoria's Secret to get my free panties. Hell, maybe Victoria's secret is that she has a penis just like I do.
So I go in and all the sales women avoid me at first. I'm sure caressing the nipples on the mannequin didn't help. After I showed them the free panty coupon, they seemed willing to help.
SALESLADY: What kind of panties would your wife like?
ME: My wife?
HER: Oh, I'm sorry. I saw you were wearing a wedding band and just assumed you were married.
ME: I am married.
HER: Well, then aren't you going to get her some panties?
ME: This is addressed to me. I'm here to get me some free panties.
HER: Uhh....I don't think it works that way.
(Her manager, also a women, comes over and askes if she can help.)
MANAGER: Can I help you sir?
ME: What size panty do you think I would wear?
MANAGER: Sir, sexual harassment is not tolerated here.
ME: What are you talking about? I got a coupon for free panties and I came to claim them.
MANAGER: Let me see that.
...
MANAGER: You must have purchased something here recently.
ME (as I begin to stroke mannequin nipples again): No. Never. I hate this store.
MANAGER: Then, I think it was a mistake that it was sent to you.
ME: So what? You're not going to honor it?
She looks at me puzzled.
ME: I need the number to a regional supervisor or something. And what's your name, expect to see this on channel 3's consumer protection news segment soon.
MANAGER: You can have the free panties. You pervert.
So, I'm a size XL. I only wore them once, though. You might think that I never meant to wear them, and I only did once out of principle, but that's not the case. I would have worn them all the time, I love free stuff. But they are very uncomfortable. I have to wear them backwards, or else I get man camel toe, but backwards, I get a constant wedgie. Stupid panties.
It's from Victoria's Secret, and it's for free panties, but it was addressed to me. So I went to Victoria's Secret to get my free panties. Hell, maybe Victoria's secret is that she has a penis just like I do.
So I go in and all the sales women avoid me at first. I'm sure caressing the nipples on the mannequin didn't help. After I showed them the free panty coupon, they seemed willing to help.
SALESLADY: What kind of panties would your wife like?
ME: My wife?
HER: Oh, I'm sorry. I saw you were wearing a wedding band and just assumed you were married.
ME: I am married.
HER: Well, then aren't you going to get her some panties?
ME: This is addressed to me. I'm here to get me some free panties.
HER: Uhh....I don't think it works that way.
(Her manager, also a women, comes over and askes if she can help.)
MANAGER: Can I help you sir?
ME: What size panty do you think I would wear?
MANAGER: Sir, sexual harassment is not tolerated here.
ME: What are you talking about? I got a coupon for free panties and I came to claim them.
MANAGER: Let me see that.
...
MANAGER: You must have purchased something here recently.
ME (as I begin to stroke mannequin nipples again): No. Never. I hate this store.
MANAGER: Then, I think it was a mistake that it was sent to you.
ME: So what? You're not going to honor it?
She looks at me puzzled.
ME: I need the number to a regional supervisor or something. And what's your name, expect to see this on channel 3's consumer protection news segment soon.
MANAGER: You can have the free panties. You pervert.
So, I'm a size XL. I only wore them once, though. You might think that I never meant to wear them, and I only did once out of principle, but that's not the case. I would have worn them all the time, I love free stuff. But they are very uncomfortable. I have to wear them backwards, or else I get man camel toe, but backwards, I get a constant wedgie. Stupid panties.
Labels: i'm angry, people in general, random, what smells?, what's new?
13 Comments:
I got something like that too. It was 10 bucks for their store and said to treat myself for my birthday.
Randy
Your brother got one too. Your father, sister and I didn't.Should I save David's till he comes home?
Randy said...
I got something like that too. It was 10 bucks for their store and said to treat myself for my birthday.
What did you end up getting for yourself? And happy birthday too!
What did they look like?
Did you take advantage of the $10 off and buy yourself a matching bra for your man-boobs?
Smartest Man on Earth said...
What did they look like?
They look like the panties Liz wore last night. Shazam!
Hey Mike,
How much coverage do you get when you wear thong underwear backwards?
That's quite possibly one of the funniest things I've ever ready.
Kudos.
twitch said...
That's quite possibly one of the funniest things I've ever ready.
Then you should read more of my blog...and send me money. Lots of money.
I have been reading your blog for quite some time. Actually since we found out on your "other blog" you quoted some crazy Canadian kids on a bunch of funny quotes, one of which is me.
what I think your crazy, but still a guy wearing a thong thats pretty funny, but I still think thongs are for women
twitch said...
I have been reading your blog for quite some time. Actually since we found out on your "other blog" you quoted some crazy Canadian kids on a bunch of funny quotes, one of which is me.
Then I don't need to tell you anything about funny. I like to laugh at funny things. I like chips!
And what about sending me money. I hear Canadian college kids are loaded.
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