Merry Christmas

Christmas is a tough holiday.

I guess all holidays are tough, but rooted in the Christian faith, this is arguably the second most important celebration, and it's supposed to be an incredibly joyous time. And it is, but it's still tough sometimes.

It's tough because all of the joy we share also reminds us of the things that cause us sorrow. We remember: that the LEGO advent calendar this year is not even 1/8 as fun as last year's; the Christmas tree falls over the night after it's set up; couches ordered for the holidays won't arrive until after the new year, orders are cancelled; loved ones are away from us--in the South, the Midwest, California, the desert, Heaven; we're getting older; things are too expensive; our jobs suck; someone tracked poo all over the carpet and then someone else stepped in it...

But I've found something that outweighes all of this: It's you. Not you, the you that stumbled upon this blog by accident, but you, the you that checks here to see what I'm always doing sometimes. You that lives in the South, or in the Midwest, or California, the desert, a few towns over, or even just a mile down the street. It's our relationships, our love, knowing we are here or there or wherever for each other, for help with the trim, or removing trees in the backyard, or a recipe, advice, fun times, Muppet games, or just a hug.

Thank you. Thank you all. God Bless and Merry Christmas.

"Kiss My Hand" - Billy the Kid, TBS edited version of Young Guns

What up dog?

I figured out how to make my PC at work talk to me. It's the best thing to do to call someone with one of those stupid computer voice answering machines and leave a message as a robot. I'm going to do that to some old people I know who live down the street. I just have to wait until the guy goes to work (though he almost never picks up the phone anyway.)

So, someone broke the windsheild washer fluid nozzle off of my car hood. Okay it was me. And today I bought a replacement. It's a very small piece of plastic. It looks sort of like this (click me, oh, click me!) It's less plastic then a mechanical pencil. But it cost $10. Not that $10 is really that much money (not even two Playboy's worth) but still, what a rip off. I would have punched the parts guy in the mouth, but then my hands would be greasy, and I had to come back to work. (Plus, he was big and scary, and he had a moustache - you what they say about people with moustaches...)

On Monday we set up our Christmas tree. On Tuesday morning, it was on the floor. Only one ornament broke, and it was the leg of Rudolph the German reindeer. Until we get a bigger tree stand (which should be tonight) the tree has been tied to the window with twine to keep it from falling over. That's the problem with having a larger room for the tree--we got a taller tree and it's too big for our $6 plastic tree stand. Oh well.

Christmas is only 25 minus 14 days away. (I'm too lasy to do the math.) I know this because Tyler knows this. I mean, I know this because we have a LEGO advent calendar. We had one last year too. Last year's was better, but at least this year's gives me all sorts of odd pieces I can use to take over the word, or make a microfig LEGO city. Seriously, click on that link. It's really cool sucka.


Happy belated birthday Steve, and happy birthday Nate.

Okay, I'm going to go now. Have a nice day.

196 in dog years

Today I turned 883,612,800 seconds old. It's been wonderful so far.

I have so many memories, as I should, since that's a lot of seconds.

I remember second number 524,966,200, when I said to Michelle, "...it..."
Or second 784,512,000 when I said to her, "I do..."
Right after that I said, "...not want to eat that cake. I will mash it in your face instead."

And who can forget second 853,632,000, when Marty said, "Whoa..." then he farted on Smigeon?

"Or how about this classic tune from the Poultney Mountain Boys?"

Yeah, those were the good times. Now I'm just an old man (like 35). Pretty soon, I'll have to start drinking wine, and like it. Michelle already does. In many ways, she's already older than me, even though she's younger:

• She doesn't play with toys anymore.

• She doesn't see the humor in ribbies, nahing, head-snaps, toothing, or budg-id-ahs.

• She eats vegetables.

• She falls asleep early.

• She wears Depends and uses a Lark to get around.

• And she always says, "Huuuuh?" (sounding like an elder duck.)

Yeah, I'm married to an old bag. I guess that's why I call her my old lady.

Oh well, I guess I'll keep her, if she gets me a guitar.

Here's my birthday limerick:

On the day I celebrate my birth
With like 0.27 % of the Earth
I'll eat some nice cake
but not the kind you bake
No, mine will be made of ice cream.

Happy birthday to me. Sweet.

INSTRUMENTS PART II: Freddy's Revenge

So, my first electric guitar was Thaddeus (R.I.P.)
He was destroyed by a horrible event--me. See, Thaddeus was made of plywood, and I thought I could make my own guitar out of plywood. So I took Thaddeus apart, but never rebuilt him. He sure kept the family warm that cold January night though.

Thaddeus came from Grandma, I think. Once she found out I was into guitar she started buying any cheap, tag-sale guitar she could find. She's very musical, as is my Paw and his brother, so she was probably excited I was playing music too.

Thaddeus looked a little like this:


When I turned 16, my dad took me to the East Coast Music mall. There, we found Ned:


Ned is since retired. He is an Ibanez EX something or other. I played him for a long time (all the way through college.)

Then I got Leroy:


Leroy is a Schecter Omen 6. He was a relatively cheap $300. For the most part, I try to stay away from guitars under $500. Maybe, just maybe, if I play a guitar under $500 and it sounds, feels, and looks great, I'll buy it, but in real life, guitars aren't cheap, and as with everything else-you get what you pay for.

Leroy was purchased in the flesh. He felt right, sounded good, and looked pretty cool too. (Satin Walnut Stain) Of all the guitars I have, he stays in tune the best- and he's the cheapest of my active guitars. He's tuned 1/2 step flat so I can play along with Guns 'n Roses, Alice in Chains, Coheed and Cambria, and yo' momma. Plus, the new Omen 6 guitars have a through the body string design (which I don't care for) while Leroy has a stopbar tailpiece.

Next I got Cederic:


Note that his name is not Cedric, it is Cederic--there is an extra syllable in there.

He is a Gibson SG Standard, and the only guitar I own (for now) that was made in the USA. Therefore, he was also the most expensive. He is so cool. I got him when we still lived in a condo. One time I wailed some sweet riffs on him so loud and awesome, that my neighbors cat crapped it's pants. True story.

Lastly, for now, I got this yet to be named guitar:


For now, I temporarily refer to this guitar as "With myself."

Sometimes Michelle says, "What the hell kind of thrash metal was that?"
And I answer, "I was just playing With myself."

Or she'll ask, "What are going to do this afternoon once all your chores are done?"
And I answer, "I'm going to play With myself."

Once her boss came over for dinner she asked, "Michael, do you have any hobbies?"
And I answered, "Sure do! Do you want to see me play With myself? Or I can play loudly and you can just listen from here?"

Or just the other day, Michelle said, "Why are you taking so long in the shower?"
And I answered, "Because I'm playing with myself, and when I get out I'm going to play guitar."

I've found the only problem with keeping the guitars down in the basement is that it's cold down there, and sometimes, my hands get cold, and it's just doesn't feel right when I play With myself.
I could go on and on...

Somewhere along the line, I got an electric base from my uncle. (The same uncle that gave me the up right bass, and is the son of my grandma that gave me Thaddeus.)


This bass is named Haave. It's pronounced like slave, but without the sl- and with an h-.
Haave is a 1987 re-issue of a 1967 Fender Jazz bass. He plays well, but the pick-ups have seen better days. Rather than try to replace them, I'd like to get a new bass.

Also, I'd like to get a hollowbody electric guitar to play jazz with. I'm not sure what kind yet-but not a Jay Turser.

Finally, I want to build one for myself, and (in addition to the new electric bass) that'll be it for electric guitars and basses.

Here's one last shot of the whole gang:

l to r: Cederic, Leroy, Haave, Ned, unnamed for now.

It's funny that when I took the picture, there were shadows that you just can't see now, but, I said to Michelle that the shadows made it look like I had a lot of guitars. Then she said, "You do have a lot of guitars." But she was wrong. Well, there you have it. I think I'm going to play With myself now.

Office Work Shenanigans

At my company, Megalo*Life, we offer all the employees a flu clinic.
I have no idea what the clinic is, but I bet a lot people went to it. It ran over the course of 3 days last week. There are still signs around the building with a number to call for information. I'm tempted to call it and see what they say. I imagine it would go something like this:

THEM: Hello?

ME: Hi. I'd like to get some information about the the flu clinic at Megalo*Life.

THEM: You missed the clinic. It was last week.

ME (sobbing) : I missed the clinic!? What am I going to do?

THEM: I'm sorry sir.

ME: Sir?! I'm a woman!

THEM: Uh...

ME (on the verge of weeping openly) : I just have a deep voice.

THEM: I'm so sorry ma'am.

ME (now crying into the phone) : Why are there signs up all over the building? Now I'm going to get the bird flu. You know, my husband's so worried about the bird flu, last week he had me get rid of our pet bird.

THEM: I'm so sorry to hear that, but...

ME (interrupting) : Well, it was a nice Thanksgiving at least.

THEM: I don't see what that has to do with it, oh...no way...

ME: Look why are they misleading us with all these signs? Now I'm going to have to go to my doctor.

THEM: I'm sorry, I just wish you had called last week.

ME: I'm going to sue you.

-----------------------------------

Today I might actually post twice. Yesterday I took pictures of my electric guitars, so if I have the time, I'll post them on the blog. You must be so psyched!

An Unexciting Post

Things are starting to settle down a little. Last weekend was only the second time since we moved into the house that we just sat around all day.

We found some furniture we like for the living room.

Soon I will post INSTRUMENTS: PART II

That's all I can think of. Sorry this is so boring.