Real Riddles

Riddle is a vague term.

Sometimes, when someone says riddle, they mean joke. Like, "Why did the chicken cross the road?...To get to the other side!...Ha ha ha!"

Sometimes riddles are puzzles, like the things The Riddler from Batman does.

I'm not sure what riddles really are, but for the purpose of this post, "Real Riddles" have the following qualities:

1. They pose a question, or other such device, that elicits a solution.
2. The solution is not ambigous, usually it's unique, and once discovered, the solution is clearly correct without the need for further verification (99.9% of the time.)
3. A real riddle can be solved with only the information provided in riddle.
4. A real riddle is not a trick question.

Here's a Real Riddle:

Your lost in a forest, and walking along a path when you come across a fork in the road. Somehow you know that one way leads to a certain, painful death and the other way leads to safety and your way home. Once you head down one path, there is no turning back. How will you ever choose a path that will lead to safety? Luckily for you, there are two guides at the fork to help you. But, they will not be as helpful as you'd like.

Here's how they will help:
-You may ask them one question, and only one question.
-Only one of the two will answer you.
One of the guides will deliberately lie to you.
One of the guides will deliberately be honest to you.
-Unfortunately, you have no idea which guide is which, so you may get an answer from the liar or you may get an answer from the honest guide.
-It's perfectly exceptable for the answer to be, "I have no idea what you are asking me." Therefore, your question to them must be simple enough to be easily understood.

What one question can you ask that will point you in the correct direction?

I may have asked this of some of you in the past. If not, try to figure it out. You might start by thinking, "What kind of question do I ask to determine if the guide answering me is honest or a liar?" But step back an think about it, do you really need to know which guide is honest and which guide is a liar to know which path leads to safety? Okay, enough hints. I'll post an answer in the comments to this post.

So, where have I found some real riddles?

At Brent R. Reeves Real Riddle site.

For the most part, the riddles here are in line with the conditions for real riddles that I outlined above. The best part is, he doesn't provide answers!

Next time you need a challenge, or need to feel stupid, try one out.

Good luck.

Now I know why it's called "brewing" beer

For Christmas, Michelle got me a Mr. Beer, home brew kit. The kit included a fermenter keg, some condensed wort, some dry, all purpose brewer's yeast, and sugar.

Basically, it works this way. The wort mix that's provided is added to sugar water, boiled then cooled, then added to the fermenter. Then the yeast is added and days later: you have flat beer. The yeast eats the sugar in wort and produces, among other things, alcohol. Then the beer is bottle carbonated, which means, it's added to bottles, along with more sugar, so the yeast can produce more alcohol and CO₂.

At ideal temperatures, it all takes about 2 to 3 weeks.

I started mine off a few days after Christmas, and drank the first bottle just last week.

Last weekend, we were out buying pots and pans so Michelle could bake me a cake, when we bumped into one of Michelle's old friends and her fiancé. Her finacé brews his own beer, and was interested in my recent undertaking in the hobby (Though, I would later learn, he could have easily scoffed at my mere attempt at something only remotely similar to actual home brewing.)

I went to his house and saw his brewing supplies. I also drank some of his beer. It was delicious. I learned many things.

Firstly, I learned that my kit is very simple, and just barely home brewing. In fact, it might be more correct to refer to it as home fermenting.

Here's how beer is made...basically:

1. Malted grains are milled and cooked in hot water (around 150°) for some particular amount of time, depending on the beer that's being brewed. This is called mash.
2. Hot water is steeped through the cooked grains. The grains impart flavor into the water, as well as sugars. (Just like brewing coffee.)
3. This new malted grain flavored water is called wort. It's boiled for some particular amount of time, again, depending on the beer that's being brewed. Also, hops are added at this point to impart bitterness and flavor to the beer. There are all kinds of hops to use, and different beer recipes use different hops in different amounts.
4. Then the wort is rapidly cooled (to a temperature that will not kill yeast.) Then it's added to a fermenter along with the yeast and ferments a week or so.
5. Finally, the beer is bottled with a bit of sugar, capped, and stored a week or two more until carbonated. Or , it goes into a secondary fermenter, where other flavors (such as fruit and spices) are added. Then it bottled and naturally carbonated. Or, the beer is added to kegs and carbonated with compressed CO₂ rather than naturally carbonating.

Besides learning the basic process, I also learned how to actually make my next batch of beer taste better, even though I brew it the simple man's way.

Concerning my first ever batch of beer, I would say I liked it like a mother thinks her ugly son is handsome..if this wasn't my beer, I would not have paid money to drink it. But, my next batch should be better.

So, what went wrong?

1. I used a dry, all purpose brewer's yeast to ferment my beer. I should have used a liquid yeast (better quality) that was designed specifically for the type of beer I am making (an IPA versus a light wheat beer, versus a stout, versus an ESB, etc.)

2. I used refined table sugar (as directed) to carbonate my beer. This produces a cidery taste which is a little too sour for most people's taste. There are other forms of sugar that are more appropriate to bottle carbonate beer.

Wednesday, I'll be receiving a new batch of ingredients to brew a new batch of beer. This time, I'm going to go a brewing supply store to get liquid yeast designed for the particular kind of beer I will brew, and I'll get some of the correct sugar for carbonation so my next batch will taste less sour.

So, if you stop by in the next few months, I should have some new beer I made, and you can drink some, but even better, it should actually taste good too!

Hide and Seek

Since I am so worldly and I have traveled the Earth and Space millions of times in my imagination, I figured I should share some of the experiences with my friends (and the other readers of this blog.)

The process began years ago when I started writing stories. I have lots of ideas, I just need to actually finish committing one of them to paper (I should say, my hard drive, not paper.)

I have plan, so please don't dismay.

Before I get through with the multitude of fantastic adventures that dwell in my mind, I figured I could point you in the direction of some pretty good things that already exist.

These things can be found in my other blog, which is linked to on the sidebar. (You'll see 'My OTHER Blog' right above the hockey info.) NOW DEFUNCT, but the stuff is on this blog, look at the sidebar.

I'm going to pace myself and try to share something new once a week. Sometimes, it might be more or less frequent though. Hopefully, at some point, I'll stumble across something you find interesting, cool, jive, wiggity whack, or whatever the positive term is now-a-days.

This isn't intended to take the place of the interesting places to visit section of the sidebar, but there could possibly be some overlap in the future. We'll see.

Squeeze it easy.

INSTRUMENTS PART III: When Animals Stop Being Polite And Start Attacking Humans

I love music.

I like to listen to it, play it, record it, write it, hear it, etc. it.

I listen to music when I'm working at Meglo*Life , in the car, as I'm typing this (♫ Ahhhha ahhh ahhh ♫--It's a song from this post: here, - which, by the way, it now an out-of-date post because, since then, I've heard more songs.) I must have written over 5 million songs in my life, or at least 24. One is called, "You smell like boogers." I even recorded one and if I knew of a place on the internet to put it, I'd have it here for you to listen to. I play some of type musical instrument everyday. Everyday. Seriously. That's probably why I have so many. You see, I need lots of instruments so I can play one everyday. I need to play one everyday because I have lots of instruments. It's a wonderful cycle.


Here are some other instruments I have besides these and these.

When I was maybe 8 or 11, my family all pitched in and bought me a drum kit. I was so happy. I immediately played Slayer's "Dead Skin Mask." Not really-I don't think they had written that song yet. Anyway, when I was done with college, I moved out of my parent's house, but my drum kit stayed behind. Then I got married and moved into a little condo. No drums allowed. So I sold them at a tag sale.

It's actually a rather nice story:

A father and his young son stop at the tag sale and immediately, the son eyes the drums.

SON: "Daddy, Daddy! Can we get these?"

DADDY: "Hmm, son. Gee, I don't know."
He puffs on his pipe while he lounges in the recliner that was for sale too, whilst wearing his slippers.
DADDY (continued): "Say my good man, how much are you selling these for?"

ME: "$100."

DADDY: "Hmm?"

SON: "Stop acting like that Daddy, you idiot. Can we get them?"

DADDY: "Not with that attitude, you little bastard. Yeah, that's right, I'm not really your dad! Ha!, wanker."

SON: "boo hoo, boo hoo."

Well, it wasn't exactly like that. But they didn't buy the drums. They got in their minivan of terror and drove off, killing four cats in the process.

Then...maybe 45 minutes later, the dad shows up and buys the set for the kid as a surprise.
What a swell dad, huh?

So I was drumless for over 4 years. Michelle and I had a pact that when we got a house, I could get a drumset. She was true to her word.



Here's an overhead shot.


And here's a shot of me playing. I think I was playing either Jeff Buckley's "Everybody Here Wants You" or "Bat Country" by Avenged Sevenfold...I get those songs confused sometimes.


I also got a piano when we moved into the house. Actually, it came with the house. I really can't play it, but that doesn't stop me from trying. I know where the notes are, I can read music (though, I'm a little slow on the bass clef), but my fingers are used to playing guitar and guitaresque instruments (bass, mandolin, banjo, etc.)



It's probably too small to see, but in the tiny photos on the piano are two really cute kids. I can't imagine how they got so cute since, in both kids' cases (they're cousins), their parents are butt ugly. Really ugly.

I also have an accordion. I play it sometimes and make my pet monkey, Bernard, dance and collect money from our guests. It's great to do when salesmen or the oil man stop by. They get so confused, they just give him money until he goes back to the typewriter to work on Shakespeare.



Finally (for now at least, I probably will get more instruments later though), I own a nose flute. It rocks. It works by channeling air from you nose, into your mouth. Your mouth acts as the sound amplifier. The instructions should have said not to play it when you have a runny nose.



It's actually pretty small. I should have put a pen next to it for the photo. It's only about 3" tall.


Well, that's it, excluding the recording software I own, mics, amps, speakers, etc.

Rock on. \m/

Whooosh!

What a weird winter we're wandering through with all the whipping wind. (Wow, that's a lot of w's.)

The wind blew so hard that it erased half of the template hmtl code for the blog. (In case you tried to visit during the last 3 hours or so.) I had to retype all the missing code. It looked a little like this:

 /sub process: ninja wails on guitar
IF
   Song is metal
THEN
   thrust hand into air with metal sign
ELSE
   Kick ninja in balls

/end sub process

To do the typing, I used trained monkeys, who, of course, had to take time away from their efforts to finally finish up all the works of Shakespeare. (And man, they were so close...)

Plus, the wind knocked the power out at the place I get my haircut, so tonight, I'll be stuck hanging out with my in-laws (Yuck!)

This winter is freakin' crazy (ie. typical New England.) Just 36 hours ago it was around 9° with wind chills around -5°. Now it's rainy and already over 50°. First it's dry and cold, then it's wet and mild. I've had a cold now for two weeks. Also, I've had 4 bloody noses already. (But I learned that Neosporin smells like Maple and Brown Sugar Quaker™ instant oatmeal to me when I rub it on the inside of my nostrils.)

I also learned that our house makes all sorts of scary noises when it either really cold, or really windy.

Pretty soon, I'm going to wrap up the series of posts about the instruments I have. That got me thinking about what I have already and what I want to get in the future. I can't believe I'm actually going to say this, but I think I only want 4 more guitars... A hollow-body electric, a Martin D28, and to build an acoustic and electric guitar myself. I realized that even though I have the metal guitar (which is still unnamed by the way), I mostly play the SG in standard tuning and Leroy in 1/2 step flat. The more I hear about them, the less I want a Strat. I need to get a new amp. I have no idea what I want though. Plus, I'd like to get a new electric bass and some good cymbals and good mics. I'll get that stuff over time though, but I should be saving up to buy that stuff instead of more guitars. (I can't believe I even just typed that!)

Pretty soon I'm going to get a laptop, so I can write stories more often. Then I'll share them with you.

Peace out homie.

Spooky Day

Oh no! Today's Friday the 13th. Twice already, Jason Voorhees has tried to pull me under the lake's surface. I can't wait until today ends. I have a feeling scary monsters might come to my house tonight. I will be so scared. I heard they might even sleep over.

Jeepers.

Pictures

Image Shack is giving me grief. WTF?!

I'll have to figure out what's going on. Then three'll be pictures again. Maybe, I'll have to have Blogger host them. Who knows?

Man, I have to get my own domain...

You dumbasses!

I can't believe no one noticed the snow man picture in my last post was a fake!

You are all idiots.

Yeah.

Snow ATTACKS!!

We got a lot of snow yesterday. Crippity crapsticks.

Here's the same area of our yard only 3 short months ago:


Or here's a picture of our house in the summer and during the snow storm:
SUMMER:


WINTER:





We easily got over 7.8 million inches of snow in our yard. I think that much snow effects people's brains. Let me explain.
Michelle's boss called her on Tuesday morning and told her not to come to the office but to, "go build a snowman." Not only did Michelle blatantly disobey her boss's orders, she actually went upstairs, and worked from home.

Now, you might be thinking that this shows that Michelle has a strong work ethic, but it doesn't. I called and nicely asked her to make me a chicken pot pie, since her boss told her not to work anyway. Guess, what? When I got home, no chicken pot pie. Plus, no laundry done, floors not mopped and/or waxed, carpets not vacuumed, shelves not dusted... women these days, they have their priorities all messed up.

At least she made me some soup to eat after I shoveled off the walkway in like 27.8 seconds.


Ultimately though, I can't complain too much. This morning, before work, Michelle and I made this snowman.


P.S. Happy Birthday Chris.

Happy New Year Mo' Fo'

Word to your mother.

Things are starting to settle down after the holidays. Pretty soon I'll post INSTRUMENTS: PART 3! Don't tell Michelle, but I think I'm going to get a Ukelele. I can get one pretty cheap (under $50).

Have you seen the other blog we have (not me and my other personalities, at least, we don't think so.)

www.thingsoverheard.blogspot.com

It's all about stupid, funny, wierd, whatever, things we hear people saying. Sometimes they are funnier to actually hear, and not as funny to read. Sometimes the headline makes the thing overheard even funnier, like this one: here.

If you think you overhear stupid, funny, wierd, whatever, things and would like to join that blog, let me know.

Okay folks, it's time for me to hit the shizzle on the nizzle, whatever that means.

Welcome to the world little Stan! Szczęśliwy Dzień urodzenia!