Merry Christmas

Santa got ran over by my grandma when he was leaving the mall after that lady groped him up. Now who will stalk me, and know when I'm asleep and when I'm awake?

This year is a bit different than the passed few since we have Logan around. Unfortunately, he wasn't very good this year. He didn't clean his room once. He threw food on the floor, barfed on the new carpet, and he's constantly ripping magazines apart and spreading them around the house. He got into my CDs at least three times and repeatedly throws Michelle's decroative rabbit on the floor. And at least once a day he opens the drawer in the kitchen where the ziplocks bags are and tosses every single one on the floor. I told Santa to put Logan on the naughty list and to not bring him anything. I'm not sure Santa got the letter though. I don't think he got any of my other letters. All I've really wanted for Christmas for the passed 5 years is a Martin D28. So far, no guitar. Santa you turd.

I'll end this message with a short, politically correct holiday poem,

Felix's nada dad,
Felix's nada dad,
Felix's nada dad,
for sparrow on yourself felix's dog.

Oh deer and wholly knight, piece two ewe. Prey for joy and good thymes four awl.

These are a few of my favourite things

Ever notice how British people put u's in words that don't need u's?

Idiouts!

The free samples at the Lindt outlet in Lee, Ma say, "Precision Computing, Annual Conference, 2006" To be honest, they aren't that good.

So you know what this blog is all about, and you still want a free sample? Okay, here are some of my favorite posts ever!!!


boxers or briefs
Michelle's birthday excitement!
A new pet in the house.
Helpful, and professional
Michelle’s new job
The 80s ruled!
I can see you.

Friday Five 12/07/07

Fortunately, Meglo*Life is a large enough company that I often overhear people saying stupid and/or funny things. Unfortunately though, I am also exposed to lots of idiots.

Five things I wish I could say to people at work, but I won't, based on past experiences.

1. As two women stop to chat in the middle of the hall:

"Hey, I have an idea for you?! Why don't you just stop to talk right in the middle of the hall? People love it when you get in their way! We really have nowhere else to go, and walking around your stupid asses helps us burn extra calories. You should get some kind of fitness-helper award. Hooray for you. Idiots."

2. As the elevator is about to close and someone (who is not handicap or 400 lbs) holds it up, only to get on to ride up one floor:

"Good thing the elevator is here for you, or else, how would you get your lethargic ass to your desk. Sloth nuts."

3. To the guy who cleverly backs his car into the 'Motorcycle only' parking spaces, narrowly missing other parked cars and two huge cement posts designed to prevent cars from parking there:

"Hey asshole, see those two huge cement posts and the sign that says 'Motorcycle parking only?' That means your crusty ass, 3 cyclinder, spray paint black and Bondo® gray colored, 1989 Toyota Celica, which must have a hole in the muffler, isn't supposed to park there, you inconsiderate, lazy shit."

4. To the lady who uses speaker phone to call, and talk to, her assistant (who sits 15 feet away):

"Here's a megaphone. Pinch your noise when you use it: Your grating voice isn't quite loud or annoying enough. I'm glad the world revolves around you. Seriously, your arm wattle is hot."

5. To the guy who walks across the building, (with a print out of a vague exhibit he asked me to fill out with ambiguous directions), to tell me a different number belongs in the "other" category:

"Oh I know it's wrong. I filled in the 'other' number wrong on purpose. I just wanted to see if you were stupid enough to: a.) print out the exhibit, write the correct numbers on it in ink, and walk over here instead of emailing it to me, and b.) too dumb to just fill in the correct number on an exhibit I couldn't care two donkey craps about. Guess what? You passed, you are truly a moron. I still can't figure out how you manage to get your pants on in the morning."

Someone once said I was sarcastic. Or did they say I was just a jerk?