Making stupid things funny

Sometimes things are so stupid they are funny. Like Kung Pow! Enter the Fist, or Tenacious D. Other times things so stupid, they are just stupid. Like Garfield. The guy that writes Garfield is so stupid that if it weren't for something else that I'm going to tell you about, I'd be seriously pissed off that I've wasted any time even knowing that Garfield exists. It's just so stupid. Not funny. Never.

Sometimes I wonder if it's all really only funny to Jim Davis, but not funny because of the content--funny because he actually gets millions to write such a stupid comic. Maybe it's a joke he's playing on the world. That's the funny part to him. He probably laughs every time he writes saying, "Ha! Some bozo's going to cut this out of the paper and put it on their fridge. Loser."

Fortunately, I stumbled upon, Garfield minus Garfield. Great stuff; not only it is unintendedly humorous, but it's funnier than the original comic, further reiterating how crappy the original strip is.

Here are some great strips I saw while looking through the website:
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
#6
#7
#8

PS. These Garfield minus Garfield are also stupid, but so stupid it's sort of funny. Maybe it's a relative thing. Man, I hate Garfield.

The foley of technology part 2

My internet connection at home has been acting up for over a month now. I'm posting this from work. When I get the internet working again, I might post more.

Word to your mother.

Modern Times

Here's an exerpt from the wikipedia (known for it's lies and falsities) article on my home town, HomerSimpson, CT:


"HomerSimpson is a town in Litchfield County, Connecticut. The population was 3,494 at the 2000 census. HomerSimpson was named after HomerSimp, the Greek playwright who wrote the tragedy Al Gore. HomerSimpson is known for it's magestic forests, exotic wildlife and cool residents, such as Mike and Logan. "

While that bit has some misstatements, it's generally, true, especially the part about the forests. From my house, I can barely see the sky through the leafy canopy. For the most part, that's a good thing, as it adequately hides my stills and weapons of mass destruction. But, this past week, it proved to be a nuisance.

We pay Charter (the only game in town) about $5,328.97 a month for cable and high speed internet. It recently increased with the addition of HDTV service. Michelle seemed to think that the money would be better used to buy me a Martin D28 or something, so she looked into satellite service.

It looked like a great deal:
- 30 HD channels, not the measly 10 that Charter has
- 200+ channels, including Sport South, the channel showing the Thrashers games
- $60 savings per month, including phone and DLS internet.

They mailed us a DLS modem and I installed it fairly easily on Thursday, and we were going good. Friday they were scheduled to come and install the dish, and then bam!, I spend the entire summer inside watching high def sports. Sweet deal.

Then things went crappy.

Dish Network contracts out the installation of the dish. The tech was supposed to come between 8 AM and noon on Friday. At 8:30 AM, Michelle got a call that they'd be late, but there between noon and 1 PM. No big deal.

Noon, no tech. 1 PM, no tech. 2 PM, no tech. 3 PM, no tech. We hadn't heard anything from them, so Michelle started calling to see what was going on. She was on the phone (or on hold) with Dish Network and the installation contracters back and forth for 2 hours. Still no word on where the tech was and when he'd get to the house.

Then, at 5:05 PM, the phone rings. I answered it because Michelle was feeling the opposite of not pissed off.


GUY: Hi, This is John, the tech. I'm running late.

ME: No shit. I realized that when you didn't show up at 1.

ME: I realized it again when you didn't show up at 2.

ME: I realized it again when you didn't show up at 3.

ME: I realized it again when you didn't show up at 4.

ME: Then I realized it again when you didn't show up at 5.

GUY: Sorry, I had....(insert excuses I really don't care about here.) I'll be there soon.

ME: No, We're leaving at 5:30. Get here first thing tomorrow morning.

GUY: Um, the contractor has jobs scheduled for me tomorrow. You'd have to call them to get them to have me come out there tomorrow.

ME: You suck.


It wasn't exactly like that, but that's the gist of it.

So Michelle calls the contractor and they tell her that he called to say he would be late and that we were making the decision to cancel the scheduled install on Friday. She, nicely, pointed out that telling us he's running late 4 hours after he was supposed to be here is not our decision to cancel the scheduled installation. Then he told her they could not come Saturday, and would have to come out on Tuesday. She tells the guy he's an idiot and then we re-schedule for Tuesday morning, since "the job takes 5 hours," and we had to leave the house at noon on Saturday anyway, effectively not giving the tech enough time to do the entire install on Saturday, even if he could make it out then.

Pause: The job takes 5 hours?! So the monkeynuts was going to show up at 5:30 PM and stay until 10:30 PM climbing around our house? Funk that. Idiots...

So anyway, Michelle tells the contractor we'll let Dish Network know that they contract jobs out to morons, and we expect some sort of reconciliation for the inconvenience of having to talk to these buffoons. The guy tells her that Dish Network will likely oblige (i.e. He knows he's a dunce.)

Now fast forward to Tuesday.

At 8:07 AM, the tech arrives, and tests for an adequate signal reaching the house.

Can you guess what he said?





Can you?




We don't have an area on our house that will receive a direct enough signal. We could stick the dish on a 6' pole on the roof, and that might work, but a normal installation might be iffy. He's leery of installing everything to only find out it doesn't come in well. He wants us to get a second opinion, which means scheduling a different imbecile to come back at a different time.

Yeah...



Needless to say, I'm watching Charter cable tv tonight.

This storm's water is extra wet

Damn dog. The rain seems to be full of water. WTF?!

This is easily the most rain we've had since April 13, 2007. A new record I think.

First off, my basement was full of water.


So, I had to go out and get some napkins or paper towels or something. I got outside and noticed the yard was flooded too. Here's a shoot from my front steps.


My new car was in a puddle too, but I was able to drive it out.


As I drove down the driveway, I looked back and snapped this shot of the house.


I'm going to need a lot of napkins for this.

Huh?

I noticed on my visitor tracker that a lot of recent visits came from people searching for koala swimwear, as I recently named a post after that. If you've never seen a koala swimsuit, I suggest you check it out. Do an image search on Google and make sure the safe search is off. Try searching at work, or church, or when little children are nearby and paying 100% attention to what's on the computer screen. Better yet, check it out with your mom in the room.

SCRATCH THAT! Don't do any of that stuff! If you really must see a koala swimsuit, do it when no one is around, unless you want to get fired or arrested or slapped.

That brings up something that I always wonder about sometimes: How many inside jokes do I use on this blog that only a small handful of you readers actually know? I would guess almost every post has some joke in it that only one or two of the readers he actually understand. (Right, Sniffy?)

Or for that matter, how many of you actually even care? And why would I even think that any of you would want to read about me? Seriously, I suck. I'm only mildly handsome. I can't break a 4 minute mile. I can't quite benchpress 450 lbs. I can't even hit the high F in Minnie Riperton's Loving You. I don't do anything remotely important.

With YouTube: Broadcast Yourself ^TM, MySpace, me.com, and Windows Live Space, everybody in the world today thinks they are special and better than average. They also think that everyone else actually cares about what they think and have to say. Fooey!

You should stop reading this right now and go outside. One day you're going to die, but right before that happens, you'll think, "Sheesh, I wish I went outside instead of thinking I cared about what Mike was always doing sometimes. I am such a numbnuts."

Actually, don't stop reading just yet. Check out this guy first. He actually is doing something important and he actually is better than average. Plus, I think he can hit that high F.

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That was a moment of silence for Joe. I never really meet him, but Cris is a good guy, and I'm sure his father Joe had something to do with that.

It's very sad. My thoughts and prayers are with Cris and his family during this tough time.

Different, but not the same

I'm back from the dead.

I will tell you now, Hell is a hell of a lot hotter than they say it is. No joke.

I don't plan on going back there again. The experience has changed me. You'll notice it here, I'm sure. I'll still make you laugh if you think something I wrote is funny. I might make you cry too if I kick you in the nuts. Who knows?

It was funny, looking up passed all the flames, to see how most of you kept coming back even though I said I was done. You must have thought I was lying to you?

When I got back, my first thought was, "You are all losers. I will never post again just to prove that your repeated visits are a waste of time."

But then I thought, "You need me, and love me so I will go through the painful steps of posting so your life can have some meaning."

So this is for you all, not me. It's altruistic now. You're welcome.

Hopefully that's good enough.

Happy Deathday Blog

One year ago today, I posted my first entry in this blog.

Right here.

As you probably can tell, I failed my mission. My friends who live far away never read this blog. The visitors I get and comments I receive are mostly from people who live less than 5 miles away.

So, today is also the last day of this blog. I don't need to type here anymore. Besides, I have better things to do with my free time.

Get lost.

P.S. I'll still update my other blog from time to time.

Bad luck when I'm there

So, I've seen the Thrashers play live and in person 4 times: twice is Boston, once in Atlanta and last night on Long Island. They are 0-3-1 in those four games. In the first game, Bill Guerin broke Patrick Stefan's jaw, then scored the game winner in OT while lying on his back (seriously.) The second game I saw was in Boston a season later. They managed to tie the Bruins 2-2. I wore my Thrashers jersey at the then Fleet Center and wasn't even beat up. In Atlanta, they lost to the Flyers, 5-2. I think there were more Flyer fans there then Thrasher fans. The guy next to me was wearing a Philly jersey and I asked him why he liked them.
"Because I'm from Philadelphia," he answered.
"Why are you so ugly though, you lousy piece of dog terd?" I asked. Ha! I win!
The best part was after the game at the Arena Bar. I was joking about a lady who wore a jersey with the name "Cupcake" on the back with a few guys sitting near me. Later, I realized that she was with them. They thought I was funny and were nice to me. That's one thing about the South, everyone down there is very nice and polite, but also very stupid and ugly.

Last night, the Thrashers lost 5-1 to the NY Islanders. I think the Islander fans are more loyal then any of the fans I've seen at a hockey game, except for maybe the Providence Bruins fans...assbag.

Anyway, I scored a free Islanders T-shirt last night. Now I'm going to drop a grunt in the sink and use the shirt to clean my dupa.

Pictures

Image Shack is giving me grief. WTF?!

I'll have to figure out what's going on. Then three'll be pictures again. Maybe, I'll have to have Blogger host them. Who knows?

Man, I have to get my own domain...

Rhyme of the Ancient Actuary

So, it's still raining outside, but there's no water in the building here at work.
I've composed a little poem about it:

Water, water everywhere, and all the bathrooms stink.
Water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

Apparently, a water main broke outside, and now the building has no water. This equals no flushable toilets, which leads to stinky poo poo filled bathrooms. Someone actually used the sink on the 3rd floor.

I'm glad I have some hand sanitizer or else, I'd have to eat my lunch with dirty hands. Wait, I do that anyway.

On an unrelated note: Someday soon, I'll put some pictures of my guitars and me and the guitars I want up on this blog.

It'll be very, very freakin' awesome.

12:31 PM ET Update:
The water main has been repaired, they do not have to close the office. Most people booed, one person clapped, and was subsequently beaten to death.