Not right

Here's what's wrong with the NHL:
The Penguins have 19 wins and 9 losses. The Sharks have 18 wins and 10 losses.
The Penguins have won 68% of the games they've played.
The Sharks have won 64% of the games they've played.

However, the Sharks have 2 more points than the Penguins since the Sharks lost 4 games in overtime while the Penguins lost all their losses during regulation.

Really?

The Sharks deserve 1 more win worth of points because, when they lose more often than the Penguins, they manage to do it on OT?

There are a lot of reasons Americans don't like hockey, and this probably isn't one of them. But it makes we mad.

Another example, closer to my heart:
Thrashers - 14 wins, 10 losses (58% win percentage)
Boston Shiteatters - 13 wins, 13 losses (50% win percentage)
Both have 31 points.

Absolute crap...

Suck It Trebek Gary Bettman
Mike

PS. I used Penguins and Sharks in my first example since they have the most wins of all NHL teams. I honestly don't care too much about either team as long as they lose when they play against the Thrashers.

Friday Five 6/22/07

First Five Inductees into the Limpiefoot Hall of Fame:
All time rank included
1. Sean - multiple MVPs, one of the founding fathers
2. Dave - 'el loco
2. Jamie - protecting the innocent from violence
4. Nate - even though he wore shorts on his head
5. Jon - cheesegrater incident aside...

4th Annual Short Course Invitational

This past weekend we played the 4^th annual Northwestern Connecticut Short Course Invitational. Unfortunately, we played with the fewest golfers yet. I blame this on the fact that more people didn't play. Mark won with a 37, becoming the first player to win twice. He also had the fewest putts. I had the closest to the pin and purple monkey. Nate and Dan won nothing...Losers.

Next year, I'm going to explicitly plan the event as a golf tournament and dinner to follow so people can't cheese out of attending the after party because their wife wants them to finish remodeling the bathroom. Next year, if you don't attend the award ceremony, you get no awards, and your score is disqualified, and everyone else shall call you 'Nancy' or 'Sissy Boy', or 'P*ssy Whipped'. Ha! When Michelle tells me to paint the ceiling or fix the shelves in the pantry, I say, "Get in the kitchen and bake me a chicken pot pie!" She always listens 'cause she knows what's good for her.

Next year, I'll strategically plan my child's baptism on the same weekend as the golf tournament, so when people come to the state for the baby, I can make them play golf too. I will tell them that they can only show they care about the baby by playing golf and if they don't play golf, they shouldn't bother coming to the baptism, but instead, just give me the presents for the baby then go home, because they obviously don't really care--those heartless bastards.

Yeah, that'll be cool.


Speaking of babies, Randy has one now. I thought he was going to be named Marmaduke or Mashed Potatoes but they named him Ryan. That's too bad, Mashed Potatoes is an awesome name. I guess this little guy will have to get the extra 20% of awesomeness some other way. I'm sure he'll be fine.

Officially Autumn

NFL football began tonight.

I know some people think college football is real football, and I'm slowly warming up to it, but unlike the NBA, no college team could hold a candle to even the worse NFL team. Never. Ever. Period. You can debate it all you want, but you simply have no weiner, so eat turds.

Watching only mere minutes of the game, I can tell Pittsburgh will not repeat as champs unless God wants them too. They are barely, and luckily, beating the lowly Miami Dolphins (yes, the dolphins still suck ass, if they can't whump up a Rothlisberger-less and Hines Ward-less Pittsburgh, they still suck.. If the Steelers go more then 3 weeks without those two they should lose at least 3 more games.)

The other big game this week is Manning vs. Manning. The Giants versus the Colts. First off, the Colts, even with Eli Manning as QB should beat the Giants, even if the Giants had Peyton as their QB. That being said, I am routing for the Giants because, 1. I like them, 2. The Colts are a false favorite-they always lose when it matters most.

Is it just me, or is Peyton Manning in a lot of commericals now? He's pretty col loooking (oh, look at that, one of the o's from cool made it's way into looking). He reminds me of Tom Miller. Maybe it's because both of them could punch right through my face easily.

I wish I was athletic. I barely even suck at sports. Maybe I'll get good at golf. Too bad video game sports don't count...oh wait, I suck at those too.

I didn't win the Tour de France

Last weekend, Michelle and I headed up to Boston for her birthday. I hoped we wouldn't get the same kind of heat we had the earlier part of the week. I'd have to bring a few extra shirts since I'd get all sweaty walking around. "Hot town, summer in the city, back of my neck get dirt and gritty..." It was really humid, but we still had a nice time. It rained a little too, but that's okay because, unlike the aliens in Signs, I'm not allergic to water. (Ha! Did I ruin the ending for you? You should have seen Signs long ago. Get with the times. Since then M. Night Shamalamadingdong has put out like 12 or 54 movies.)

If her birthday was only one week later, we'd have had the chance to see Gilbert Gottfried at the comedy connection in Boston. Too bad. He's funny. And ugly, but mostly funny. Okay. Actually, he's mostly ugly.

Before we left, I was riding my bike (a Trek 1500, carbon-titanium-adamantium alloy fork and spoon and frame, with Look carbon-based lifeform pedals, shimano-Ronco™ shifters and components, and a sweet hot pink, anus-master 3000 gel seat). I fell over after a squirrel ran out into the road, swinging a battle axe at me. I ripped my face off, but got a new one from Mel Gibson. Now I can read women's minds. So far most of them are saying, "My boobs have nipples." Here's a picture of my arm after the crash.



The pained look in my eye is because I just poured salt all over my arm. The wound looks like Italy because I'm half Italian. I'm also half Mexican, half Russian, and half & half with Equal. I did end up catching the squirrel. I ate his face off.

My pal Stan was only about 70 miles (instead of the usual 1200 miles), since he was at Cape Cod in Massachusetts. He was there with his mom and dad and some other family. Too bad we couldn't have found a way to hook up somewhere. Oh well.

Speaking of polacks, here's the big news from Goshen (pronounced like Gosh-in, absolutely not like Go-shin, no way). Big news in a small town. Whoopee! Losers...

Bad luck when I'm there

So, I've seen the Thrashers play live and in person 4 times: twice is Boston, once in Atlanta and last night on Long Island. They are 0-3-1 in those four games. In the first game, Bill Guerin broke Patrick Stefan's jaw, then scored the game winner in OT while lying on his back (seriously.) The second game I saw was in Boston a season later. They managed to tie the Bruins 2-2. I wore my Thrashers jersey at the then Fleet Center and wasn't even beat up. In Atlanta, they lost to the Flyers, 5-2. I think there were more Flyer fans there then Thrasher fans. The guy next to me was wearing a Philly jersey and I asked him why he liked them.
"Because I'm from Philadelphia," he answered.
"Why are you so ugly though, you lousy piece of dog terd?" I asked. Ha! I win!
The best part was after the game at the Arena Bar. I was joking about a lady who wore a jersey with the name "Cupcake" on the back with a few guys sitting near me. Later, I realized that she was with them. They thought I was funny and were nice to me. That's one thing about the South, everyone down there is very nice and polite, but also very stupid and ugly.

Last night, the Thrashers lost 5-1 to the NY Islanders. I think the Islander fans are more loyal then any of the fans I've seen at a hockey game, except for maybe the Providence Bruins fans...assbag.

Anyway, I scored a free Islanders T-shirt last night. Now I'm going to drop a grunt in the sink and use the shirt to clean my dupa.