Not right

Here's what's wrong with the NHL:
The Penguins have 19 wins and 9 losses. The Sharks have 18 wins and 10 losses.
The Penguins have won 68% of the games they've played.
The Sharks have won 64% of the games they've played.

However, the Sharks have 2 more points than the Penguins since the Sharks lost 4 games in overtime while the Penguins lost all their losses during regulation.

Really?

The Sharks deserve 1 more win worth of points because, when they lose more often than the Penguins, they manage to do it on OT?

There are a lot of reasons Americans don't like hockey, and this probably isn't one of them. But it makes we mad.

Another example, closer to my heart:
Thrashers - 14 wins, 10 losses (58% win percentage)
Boston Shiteatters - 13 wins, 13 losses (50% win percentage)
Both have 31 points.

Absolute crap...

Suck It Trebek Gary Bettman
Mike

PS. I used Penguins and Sharks in my first example since they have the most wins of all NHL teams. I honestly don't care too much about either team as long as they lose when they play against the Thrashers.

Helen, you little hussy

I'm seriously considering purchasing The Fall of Troy's newest album In the Unlikely Event. I'm even thinking of getting the real CD (not just crappy mp3's --with all their digital clipping and other such limitations the average peon's ears can't detect but are there nonetheless tainting the music like the space between). Then I can lick the plastic at night before I go to sleep.

Equalibrium

I'm impatient.

Damn, that took too long to type.


I'm not as funny as you think I am.

Here's a brief, real example of what I mean.

The other day, I was bringing the trash to the curb for pick up when I noticed something small moving slowly in the road. It moved in a weird way, almost like the wind was doing most of the work. I set the recycleables down and walked into the road to see what it was. It was a little squirrel. It appeared to have been involved in an automobile accident. Fortunately, it was only stunned--it's legs, back and head were all fine--it was only still a little scared. It looked like a young squirrel based on it's size and the roundness of it's face, but I really couldn't tell. I lifted my leg up enough to feel the stretch in my pants. Saddly, I admit, it was actually a little bit tough on my muscles, and it helped me realize I am a little out of shape and unflexible. I waited a moment with my leg in the air like some sort of yoga master. The sun made my shadow look long and funny. Then, suddenly, I dropped my foot, and my leg followed. Smash! The squirrel's head was crushed. I picked it up and drank it's blood, celebrating my victory over nature.

No! I'm just kidding, I didn't drink it's blood, that would be gross.


The point is, I'm only funny sometimes, and sometimes I'm not funny. When I'm not funny, I'm here. I probably won't update much, but I'll try real hard.

You might wonder how I can find the time to jibber-jabber all over these blogs, and I wonder how you have time to read them. Mostly, I don't do much at work, and my friends avoid me with clever excuses. If I really spent time with them, why would I need a blog to tell them what I'm always doing sometimes? They'd be there watching me do whatever it is that I always do sometimes!

There is a guy who makes marbles. He starts with some glass (which I guess is just sand) and melts it in a real hot oven of some type. He rolls the glass around, letting gravity shape the glass into a ball. He heats other colored glasses into long rolls, like logs. He scores the logs and breaks then. He heats the pieces up and layers them onto the glass ball. Then he heats the whole thing up again, rolling it around to let gravity make the shape into a ball. Then he adds more colors, sometime logs of colored glass, sometimes fragments or slivers. Then he heats it up again and rolls. The process repeats any number of times until he's satisfied with what he's made. He said that no two marbles are the same, with all the layers and rolling and heating.



I keep one of those marbles for a brain. That's why I'm so dumb.

The Foley of technology

I was cleaning up my junk (no, not my carrot and radishes), in the garage the other day and wondered how to read my square. A few days earlier, I got some help figuring how much lumber I'd need to build a shed that was already there when we bought the place. For the most part I could figure it out myself, since geometry is pretty easy for me due to my brain folds, and I know how many inches there are between each stud/joist/rafter. The rafters were the only tricky part as far as I was concerned.

Anyway, I wondered if, when Logan is 30, I'd be teaching him the same things I was learning when I got help figuring out how I'd build a shed. With the way science is going, for a second I was mildly unsure.

The truth is, though, we've been building houses the same way for over 200 years; you hold the hammer in one hand and set the nail with the other. And I came to realize that all we've gained from technology is how we communicate with each other. (Hell, this blog is a good example of that, read: please don't ever call me.)

We put people on the moon, but we still need a dude with a chainsaw to cut down trees for our homes. (He should have a beard too, but it's mostly optional.)

Even if you think about the medical or scientific gains we've got from technology, they still boil down to how we communicate with each other. Sure, computers do some hardcore calculations, but it's not anything new, just old calculations we already knew how to do, but the computer only does them faster. The computer allows us to communicate the results faster than we would have earlier. It hasn't come up with a novel way to get those results. Even an MRI is just a better way of communicating what's going on inside of us then we previously could with a stethoscope.

In the end, (and the middle too, I guess), humans are social animals, and I guess it's good that all we really need to spend our technological time doing is talking to each other in better ways. I guess it means we're not too busy running for our lives. (Ha! Take that Homo neanderthalensis, you bitch!)

A while back, a guy I know, whose almost middle-aged now, told me that he thought, by now, he'd have been to space.

I'll be honest, by the time I'm his age (a mere 20 years or so from now) I sure as hell hope I've been to space. We should probably have colonies in space after we invent an alloy to ward off radiation poisoning from the freakin' sun.

All this lead me to decide I'm going to teach Logan the same things my dad (and others) have taught me. I'm going to buy a 1984 Red Dodge Ram pick-up truck. When I look under the hood, all I'll see is the engine block, head, value cover, alternator, carborator, starter, transmission and a high school sized Andy Haight (yes, he did fit in there.) And everything is connected with one timing belt, except Andy.

Yeah, I know, I missed a few things like the power steering motor or wiper motor. The point is, if you really wanted to, you could look inside the engine compartment long enough, and with some tools and patience, you could figure out what was going on.
The other day, my router (or modem, still not sure which) was acting like a hinie and I couldn't get on-line. Suppose I took my computer (or router or modem) apart and looked at it. Would that really help me solve the problem? No way. The 1's and 0's are too small to see.

For lots of years, maybe millions, we humans got by with our brains and our hands. Until about 200 years ago, that's all we really had. Some people today don't have a clue how to cook food. They are incomprehensively dependent on someone else, almost like a baby, only they are grown-ups.

These are the people who will be eaten first if (when?) life goes back to being on the tundra. (I wish I could take the credit for that saying but I can't.)

There is value in understanding which way is up, or that clockwise tightens a bolt.

Now I know what Ben Franklin meant when he said, "When your balls itch, scratch them."

Public Service Announcement (You're welcome)

My pet rock was acting up, so I threw him through the window. And, guess what, he freaking worked just fine. Sunabitch...

But seriously though. I have heard that some pets were getting sick and stuff, so I looked around to find some food that was safe to feed my pet rock. I found some, but you need to call to order. I'm not sure how expensive it is, but the call is free so you can get some information.

Please call 1-800-MY-PUPPY for safe food.

I ate a pony for breakfast

'Sup Bitch?

Fo' shizzle, two posts in two days... an owl and a bungee cord must be mixed!

I will watch this movie. Seriously.

Letters are in words, (and bitches in my hot tub!!)

So, we all know there are letters in words. Like the © in £ubb3® or the @ in §naffeckg.

But what about letters that sound like words. For example, if you say the letters MT it sounds like the word empty.

I can think of few, but I wonder how many we can come up with. Let's say that the words should be more or less regular words that you use everyday like higgagobbaboo! A few are a bit of a stretch, but I included them anyway because I can.

1 letter:
B = bee
C = sea, see
G = gee
I = eye
J = jay
P = pea
R = are
T = tea
U = you
Y = why

2 letters:
SA = essay
MT = empty
IV = ivy
EZ = easy
TP = tepee
BD = beady
OK = okay
ED = erectile disfunction
DK = decay
KG = cagey
NE = any
IC = icy
NV = envy
CD = seedy


3 or more letters:
NME = enemy
DVS = devious
SKP = escapee
TDS = tedious (a bit of a stretch)
XLNC = excellency


If we include numbers too, we can make even more words like B4 (before) and 4D (forty).

Give it a try.

I've sold out to the man

Well, I finally gave in and put a video on my blog. I didn't make this, but it's still cool. (Hey, sometimes other people get lucky and do cool things too.)

Enjoy!

Officially Autumn

NFL football began tonight.

I know some people think college football is real football, and I'm slowly warming up to it, but unlike the NBA, no college team could hold a candle to even the worse NFL team. Never. Ever. Period. You can debate it all you want, but you simply have no weiner, so eat turds.

Watching only mere minutes of the game, I can tell Pittsburgh will not repeat as champs unless God wants them too. They are barely, and luckily, beating the lowly Miami Dolphins (yes, the dolphins still suck ass, if they can't whump up a Rothlisberger-less and Hines Ward-less Pittsburgh, they still suck.. If the Steelers go more then 3 weeks without those two they should lose at least 3 more games.)

The other big game this week is Manning vs. Manning. The Giants versus the Colts. First off, the Colts, even with Eli Manning as QB should beat the Giants, even if the Giants had Peyton as their QB. That being said, I am routing for the Giants because, 1. I like them, 2. The Colts are a false favorite-they always lose when it matters most.

Is it just me, or is Peyton Manning in a lot of commericals now? He's pretty col loooking (oh, look at that, one of the o's from cool made it's way into looking). He reminds me of Tom Miller. Maybe it's because both of them could punch right through my face easily.

I wish I was athletic. I barely even suck at sports. Maybe I'll get good at golf. Too bad video game sports don't count...oh wait, I suck at those too.

The nothing is coming.

Vacation is 9 days away. I can't wait. I will relax, and write stories and hunt buffalo in the nude.


I think I'm most looking forward to nothing.

Really. Nothing.

Doing nothing. Watching nothing. Thinking about nothing.

It'll be great. I'll wake up in the morning wearing nothing. Then I'll go for a jog, because everyone knows, the three most important days of the year to actually exercise are the first three days of vacation. I'll try to find a busy road to run the wrong way on, running inside of the white line, and crossing streets without looking. That's fun stuff.

I plan on not planning anything for vacation, but since I planned on that, I actually let myself down. I hate it when I'm actually able to do as I planned, which was to not plan, but since I did plan on not planning, I actually wasn't able to do as I planned. Geez... good thing I wasn't planning on thinking.

Maybe I'll play golf too. I like golf. Golf is a fun sport.

I like chips.

Sounds are hearable...unless you're deaf

'Sup Bitch?

Remember that, huh? huh?

I haven't played guitar as much as I used to. I blame Michelle, because she let me get a drumset. Now, the only regular guitar playing I do is in bed before I fall asleep, and even then I have to listen to Michelle grumbling at me to quiet down. I should practice more, though the other day, I played the first lead part of Metallica's One fairly well. Then a string broke on Leroy, so I had to play Gunther, my metal guitar. I guess that's more fitting, since when they recorded One, Metallica was still a metal band. I used to want to have 1 milion guitars to play everyday, but now, I just want one more, a Martin D-28. Someday...

Once before, I talked about how my list of the best songs ever is getting out of date. It's not that those songs aren't good anymore, it's just that I hear new songs that I never heard before until I heard them, and I like them a lot, or a little or not all at, or somewhere in between. I listen to music a lot, except when I'm not. Here's some for you to try to find so you can hear them too, if you listen, and aren't deaf. Don't be surprised if you didn't like any of this. Not everyone can be as cool as me.

Minus the Bear - This Ain't a Surfin' Movie
The drum beat during the verse seems simple, but keeping straight quarter notes on the hi-hats over the kick and snare line is not easy. This song reminds me of summer and chilling out and firing bottle rocket's at small children. Well, not the last one, I guess. This song can be heard here. Just press the right arrows until you get to the This Ain't a Surfin' Movie. I actually bought this album, and this band has become one of my new favorites. Seriously, they rock my world.

Say Anything - Alive With the Glory of Love
This type of music would typically fall into my catch all category: crappity crap. But this song isn't too bad. It's basically a love song, but not really a ballad. It reminds me of a few stories I'm writting that are about love-sort of. (Sidenote: Man, I need to write more often. I forgot how much fun it is.) Anyway, you can hear this song on the band's website. Click the band's name above.

The Maple State - We Swear By The Light Life
Four Britons, probably with pretty faces and bad teeth. They sound good, and I've only heard a rough demo quality mix of this song. Interesting drum beats, good blend of keys and guitar and mildly pleasing lyrics. Almost sounds like something from the 80's. You can hear it here last time I checked.

Death by Stereo - Unstoppable
Death by Stereo is a band that gets me so pumped up. They have freakin' sweet ass drum beats, awesomely powerful guitar riffs, sweet solos, and ear-blistering vocals. In fact, the other day, I was listening to them and I got so pumped up that I went outside and chopped a tree down. With my wiener. Then I ate the whole thing, including the squirrels that were living in it. Damn, that was sweet! Hardcore metal reminds me of a dude taking a crap that's sort of stuck. Yeah! Plus, the drummer of this band went to my high school. I used to beat him up with my sideburns, that's probably why he plays drums so pissed off-ish. (Na, I'm just kidding, I never beat him up. He was a few grades ahead of me. I think I saw him in the halls once. I think his name is Elmer, or Rufus, or something.) Hear some of their songs at this site.

Late Tuesday - Simply Beautiful
These are three chicks with a back-up band. I think the gals play guitar and piano too. They sing nice and it brings out the softer side of Mike. The side that doesn't ninja old ladies too hard and doesn't throw chipmunks at the birds at the birdfeeder. If yoo go to their site, you can click on their media player in the top right corner and hear some of their songs, including Simply Beautiful, which, when you hear it, you agree, was written about me.

Smell ya later.

Echo, (echo),(echo)

People who know me tend to know my name. If you're the revisiting, casual blog surfer, you've probably already figured out my name is Mike. For many years in a row, Michael has been in the top 10 most popular baby names. It makes sense since it is a cool name and people named Michael are smart, funny, witty and incredibly handsome. (Can you remember that chick named Michael? She was handsome too.) The fact that Michael is such a popular name is evident here at Meglo*Life since, in my department alone, there are 4 people, including me, named Mike.

The other day, I walked into the men's room to empty my bladder. As I walked in, I passed by another Mike washing his hand's at the sink. I said hello and headed to the urinal. At the urinal next me is another one of the Mike's. I said hi to him too. When I finished up, I washed my hands, because hand washing is the best way to prevent the spread of disease, and just then, the fourth Mike walked in. I said hello to him too. It went something like this:


Me (nodding my head): Mike

Mike: Mike

Me: Mike

Mike (to me): Mike

Mike (to Mike): Mike

Mike: Mike, hi.

Mike: Mike

Me: Mike

Mike: Hey Mike.

Mike: Mike

Mike: Mike.


Okay, that didn't really happen. But there are four Mike's where I work. Honestly, I hope that never does happen. I think if it were to occur, the universe might end.

Different, but not the same

I'm back from the dead.

I will tell you now, Hell is a hell of a lot hotter than they say it is. No joke.

I don't plan on going back there again. The experience has changed me. You'll notice it here, I'm sure. I'll still make you laugh if you think something I wrote is funny. I might make you cry too if I kick you in the nuts. Who knows?

It was funny, looking up passed all the flames, to see how most of you kept coming back even though I said I was done. You must have thought I was lying to you?

When I got back, my first thought was, "You are all losers. I will never post again just to prove that your repeated visits are a waste of time."

But then I thought, "You need me, and love me so I will go through the painful steps of posting so your life can have some meaning."

So this is for you all, not me. It's altruistic now. You're welcome.

Hopefully that's good enough.

One Word...

...Ass Kickin'

http://www.wimp.com/chuck/

Bang bang, thump bang, crash

'Sup Bitch?

So I ordered new cymbals. That's all I'm going to type about, so if you don't care about cymbals,
get lost.

Right now, they are somewhere between Shawnee, Kansas and Norfolk, Connecticut. I should get them on Monday. Then you better watch out, cause I'm going to play a sick double-bass fill with the new splash that will make glass shatter and the fillings explode out of your teeth.

I got all Zildjian cymbals, mostly because they are good, and there is a plethora of info about them available.

From biggest to smallest:
20" K custom dry ride
16" A custom crash
14" A custom crash
13" A series quick beat hi-hats
10" K custom dark splash

By accident I ordered Z custom crash cymbals. Z custom cymbals are heavy and loud, great for metal and heavy rock. Since I play in my basement, I don't need gong-sounding finishes on my cymbals. The A custom cymbals are more shimmering and more versatile. I'm going to return the Z custom cymbals and get A customs, so I didn't bother typing about the Z custom cymbals above.

bye.

Soda Pop

I've been drinking a lot of Diet Mt. Dew lately. Once, in college, I bought diet by accident, and I started drinking it in the car. I couldn't figure out why it tasted so nasty until I looked at the label and realized it was diet. Then I got fat and weaned myself off of regular soda. Now I think the regular stuff is too syrupy for me. But I digress...
So, Pepsi has this promotion going on with iTunes. Every third bottle cap for certain Pepsi sodas can be redeemed for a free song download from iTunes. Normally these songs cost $1. Since the soda cost anywhere between $1.25 and $1.33 at work, Michelle pointed out that I was actually spending more for a "chance" at a free song. But I told her that I'd drink the soda anyway, so it's a win-win situation for me. I've downloaded about 25 free songs by now, and I've kept track and actually won about a third of the time. I think I'm just a little bit better than 1 out of 3. So I decided to burn some tracks to a CD to share with people. I'm trying to find stuff that I wouldn't usually buy, but still like to listen to-you know, the weird sorta stuff that has one good track on a CD of 12 from a band whose only claim to fame is a soundtrack tune played during the credits, like Phoenix (not the city, the band.)

Soon I'm going to give some my friends a copy of CD. I'm going to target those who I think will appreciate it and actually listen to it more than once. Right now I have 10 tracks worth about 38 minutes of music. Once I get around 50 minutes, I'll rip off a few copies and ship them around.

I have to go to bed now.