Old... like 35

Last night Michelle and I went to see Minus the Bear play. While we were waiting in line to get in, we noticed the abundance of younger people also waiting to get into the show:

The slutty chick who had to speak loud enough so that everyone within 20 feet of her knew she was facebooking on her phone.

The drunken guy that kept leaning on me and repeatedly saying, "Sorry, I'm drunk." To which Michelle or I would answer, "We know, you told us that 2 minutes ago".

The skinny kid in pants that were too tight, expect in the butt, where, I presume, he kept room for crapping himself when he gets too drunk or lazy to go to the bathroom.

That was part 1.

Later during the show, while looking around for the source of someone engaging in reefer madness, while scratching my temple near my gray hairs, I commented to Michelle, "We're probably the third and fourth oldest people in this room."

That was part 2.

Since Michelle and I are both fans of Minus the Bear, we listen to them at home. Logan hears their music and has become familiar with it. During the song "Ice Monster", Michelle recalled and shared a story of how Logan responded to the lyrics of that song, "Take a step back and turn yourself around," by spinning around and saying, "I am turning around."
I told her, "We're at a concert and talking about our kids."
She said, "Yeah, we're old."
I said, "We both had dental work done today."
(I wasn't lying either.)
We had to get close to hear each other over the music, crowd noise, and the earplugs we were wearing.

That was part 3.

Later that night, when we were leaving, we came across some kid who asked where an ATM was. He didn't have any cash to pay the parking fee. Michelle gave him $2 and said, "Here you go sonny. Stay in school." (Or something close to that.) Noticing he also wore dumpy ass, tight leg pants, I told him to get some new pants. (Seriously.)
Then we got in our Buick and drove home.

That was part 3.
Oh wait I already said part 3, my memory is a little fuzzy.


PS. Did you see this post yet?

N1E1R1D2

Authors note: I wanted to name this article T₁E₁O₁P₃A₁N₁S₁, but Blogger limits the post title to 39 characters, and including the code to make the little sub numbers includes more than 39 characters. Please pretend the post is titled T₁E₁O₁P₃A₁N₁S₁

We recently changed our cable policy so we no longer have Skinamax. While I am deeply saddened by this, the $40 per month we are no longer spending on TV will be used to buy me a chainsaw so I can carve those stupid bears out of wood. Fortunately, I still have most of the channels I watch and pretty much all of the HD channels I watch (which is mostly the sports channels).

One time I was channel surfing through the sports channels and stumbled across the Scrabble championship. Scrabble is not a sport. What a waste of my time. Sure, I like playing Scrabble, I also like dropping a good deuce once in a while too, but I don't want to see the national crapping championship on ESPN2 (aptly named ESPN2, I might add). The winner won by spelling Teopans, a type of dwelling for Indians I think.

So last night, I happened to channel surfing and stumbled upon the spelling bee on ABC. I actually watched it for 5 minutes or so and saw the winner correctly spell Laseodmmriand, or something like that.

With that kind of spelling aptitude, she could go on to be a future Scrabble champion and we could someday be watching her take a dump on ESPN2. Just imagine all the nice things she could buy with the $250 champion's prize money she could get if she does win the Scrabble championship. What an athlete!

To close, I would normally stick with my favorite closing, 'Suck it Trebek", but I think in this case, it's more appropriate to end with,
Squeeze it easy.

Almost

Things are starting to slow down after the holidays and all the year end reporting at work. Soon I will post more about my awesomeness. Until then, these old posts will have to suffice. Let me know you're still out there with a quick comment every once in a while. And check out my awesome moustache. Since I grew it, I've killed four bikers, just by looking at them, and impregnated four women, again, just by looking at them. One of them was Michelle..and now she's pregnant...with twins!

Crap. Stupid moustache. I shaved it off just be safe.

R.I.P.? Milan
She's even 3 years older now, but doesn't look a day over 94
Michelle still loves ice cream
He still sucks at guitar (though he's half way decent at drums)
I will go back

Yo.

Internet traffic

So I have this idea. I'm going to try and see how many people will send me $1.
$1 is not that much to spare, especially for a good cause, such as stuff I want. Plus, it is still the season the giving. All I need to do is get one million people to read my blog and then get them to send me $1. Then my charity will be completely funded for now.

Tell all your friends about it!

First though, I need to drum up some traffic on my blog, so I've decided to fill my blog with some inconspicuous buzzwords to see if that helps get more people to visit.

You probably won't even notice them.




Unforunately, I don't have the talents of the naked chef Jamie Oliver, who cooks hot dishes for men and women. Or male scientists like Edison or Bell, both who lead to enhancement of communication in this world. Or even a world leader, like Obama, who gets excited about helping people all the time so they can obtain freedom from pirates while shipping oil around the persian gulf.

This might be a little harder than I first thought, man.


Suck it Trebek.


PS. STAR WARS BOOBS FREE GAS GREAT PRICES LIMITED EDITION

Gobbledy Gobble (Turkey for "What up suckas!")

Hey there,

It's thanksgiving time again. A time for Thanks, but more importantly, a time for giving. Giving to me. Giving to me presents! Jå Hanz! Ich bin solch ein recht junges Mädchen!

So here's my wish list this year.
(Santa, I know you read my blog, you fat sumbitch.)

This exact USB-AC adapter/charger

This Thrashers Hooded Sweatshirt in large

Batman: Gotham Knight movie

LEGO bricks
Lego shop at home allows you to purchase specific bricks in any quantity. Here are some bricks I’d like for my building. Start here. Scroll down and enter the element IDs from below in the element ID area.

They are sort of in order of preference…

Element ID	Description	Color	Quantity
4210631	Latice plate 1x2	Dark stone grey	100
654126	Technic Brick 1x1	Black	20
654101	Technic Brick 1x1	White	20
4121715	Connector peg w/fricton	Black	50
370026	Technic Brick 1X2, Ø4.9	Black	100
302126	Plate 2x3	Black	30
243101	Flat tile 1x4	White	20
4210700	Brick 1x1 w/ knobs	Dark stone grey	50
4253815	Brick 1x2 w/ 4knobs	Black	20
307001	Flat tile 1x1	White	20
243101	Flat tile 1x4	White	30
306801	Flat tile 2x2	White	20
4211194	Flat tile 1x4	Reddish brown	20
243123	Flat tile 1x4	Bright blue	20
243126	Flat tile 1x4	Black	50
4211356	Flat tile 1x4	Medium stone grey	50
3000840	Plate 1x1	Transparent	60
4211399	Plate 1x1	Medium stone grey	100
4211053	Flat Tile 1x4	Dark stone grey	20
4211389	Brick 1x1	Medium stone grey	40
4211098	Brick 1x1	Dark stone grey	40
307026	Flat tile 1x1	Black	20

The Force Unleashed for the Wii

A gift certificate to MoreBeer.com (NOTE: This cost $1 in addition to the face amount),

Rome Season 1 & 2

Robots and Empire, by Isaac Asimov

Nightfall by Isaac Asimov and Robert Silverberg

This USB SD card reader from Best Buy

A Leatherman multi-tool, like this one here.

Saw blade

Acoustics album by Minus the Bear

Guitar Hero: World Tour Bundle for the Wii

Make sure you coordinate with others, since I don't need more than one of most of the things on the list.

Now get buying!!
Thanks.

My new favourite closing

(All of a sudden I'm British...It's as if I like watching a bunch of douchebags run around grass kicking a ball aimlessly for 2 hours)

Remember when I realized no one even listens to me anyway? Vagina!

Now I also have a new favorite endings to my conversations: Suck it Trebek!

Yeah. That rules.

Suck it Trebek!

Spring cleaning

I know, it's already summer.

I haven't had much time to do a lot of writing , posting, brewing, reading, etc.

But I did finally upload a post from the past.

Yo

It's been a while.

What have I been always doing sometimes?

Summarized list:
- Working
- Logan
- Warming weather
- Killing

When I get home from working, I just haven't felt like sitting in front of a computer screen after doing so all day long. Especially now that Logan is a little older and running around; it's a lot of fun to play with him. And once he's in bed, my second job as a hitman takes up my whole night.

One job got me thinking. It really wasn't much of a job at first, it got interesting, but in the end, wasn't much of a job either.

Getting in to his place was easy. Since it was late at night, the ride to White Plains barely took an hour. His house was on a cul de sac not far from the Cross Westchester expressway. His place was right at the end and his backyard ran up against some woods and a baseball field.

He was home, which I knew before I left, and alone. He was Indian, I think, and judging by the decor in his place, Buddhist. His place was immaculate; clean, straight lines, fancy art on the walls, leather couches, mahogany hardwood floors, posh Oriental rugs throughout, a dark wooden bookcase full of hardcover books. This had some money, and for a minute I almost let myself wonder why he had a contract. I brushed it aside and climbed the stairs to his bedroom. I thought about climbing up the railings, since his stairs were finished hardwood with no runner, but decided it would be better to save my energy and besides, nobody's stairs squeaked as much as mine. The master bedroom had more Buddhist relics in it. As I moved through the open doorway, I noticed a fat, bald dude looking at me from the corner of the room. What the f... it was just a Buddha statue. I realized I was being lazy, but had nothing to worry about, this guy was out cold. But Buddha kept looking at me. Kept staring at me.

I couldn't shake the "karma, noble truths, etc." junk I had learned about Buddhism back when I was confirmed at my church. Instead of worrying about my actions though, I thought, "I guess this guy just had it coming."

I looked around for any weapons he might keep in his bedroom, and after finding nothing, decided it'd be best to finish the job in the hall, on the wooden floor. It might be easier to clean up then.

I walked out into the hallway to look around when I heard him moving. I turned around slowly, quietly, to face his doorway, and slowly began walking backwards, periodically glancing over my shoulder for a place to hide. Then the karma thing bit me in the ass. Literally, and it stung. I had backed into the corner of a side table he had in his hall. It was barely a bump, but enough to not only hurt my ass, but also send a large vase, and some ugly fake flowers, over onto the hardwood floors. Shit! I thought, but the vase hit with a soft thud, unbroken. Karma.

Nonetheless, he stumbled out of this bedroom and towards me, seemingly unaware I was just inside the shadows at the end of the hall. He looked half asleep still, and I figured he was heading into the bathroom or something.

He was wearing long, baggy pajama pants and no shirt. Once his gait revealed he had light colored socks on. He held an empty glass in one hand. He rubbed his face with the open palm of the other hand and picked his head up after he finished. Then he noticed my silhouette in the shadows.

I was just readying myself to move towards him when he startled and stepped back. His left foot hit the edge of the top stair awkwardly and he tumbled down violently. I quickly followed him down, using the railings to hurdle the broken glass that was strewn across the top few treads.

I got down to the bottom with my rope in hand when I noticed how still he was. His head was facing toward the wall but his torso was bent back, unnaturally and probably uncomfortably towards the middle of the room. I checked his pulse. He was dead. Karma.

I didn't even have to clean up. I was going to get paid because this dude was a klutz.

I put my rope back in my coat pocket and headed toward the window I climbed in. I noticed a framed picture on the wall that I didn't see when I came in. It was of Buddha with a saying superimposed over the picture. It read:

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your common sense."

Literally that means, "only listen to what you want to hear."

I realize that's the mantra of a great number of people. People I know, people you know. It's a nice way to live.

I climbed out the window, pulled it shut and walked through the backyard, through the woods and to my car. I rubbed my ass where it still stung a little and got in. I drove home a little slower this time; I didn't want to get a speeding ticket. Speeding is dangerous and illegal.

Buddha was a genius. I never knew it was that easy to achieve nirvana.
Only listen to what you want to hear.

Hallo, guten Tag!

Note to readers: many of the pictures in this post can be clicked on to be viewed larger.

Warning! Long post alert, but it's mostly pictures.

Michelle and I just got back from Europe a week ago. It was great. We spent time in Bamberg, Germany (where my brother lives) and Rome. Here are some pictures. We took over 600 pictures and movie clips!

Here's where my brother lives:


Just kidding, he really lives at # 31. Here's the street he lives on.





Here's some photos of the city of Bamberg.









Bamberg has 10 breweries in the city, and is known for Rauchbier, smoke beer, which is brewed with malted barley that is dried over open flames.







Rome was great. It's amazing how much history there is in the city, and how much the modern city just grw up around, and blends into the old stuff, both the antiquitious Roman senate/empire buildings and the Vacatian and Catholic areas.







Walking to the Vacatian.

This shot was taken only 3-5 minutes walk from our hotel room!

The Swiss Guard at the basilica.


St. Peter's Square


St. Peter's Basilica


Some shots from inside










Some things from the Vatican museum.







The Tiber river, from the Castel Sant'Angelo, outside of Vatican City.


The Ancient Roman ruins were awesome. It's pretty amazing how they have survived the sacking of Rome, and WWII as well as they have.



















Back in Germany, Pottenstein.









Also, back in Bamberg, we went on a brewery tour. We only went to four breweries, since we had to leave early the next day.

Klosterbrau




Spezial Brau




Mahr's Brau


I took so many more pictures. I didn't even include any of Frankfurt here.
I can show you some more pictures if you want.

I'm planning to go back around October 2009.

These are a few of my favourite things

Ever notice how British people put u's in words that don't need u's?

Idiouts!

The free samples at the Lindt outlet in Lee, Ma say, "Precision Computing, Annual Conference, 2006" To be honest, they aren't that good.

So you know what this blog is all about, and you still want a free sample? Okay, here are some of my favorite posts ever!!!


boxers or briefs
Michelle's birthday excitement!
A new pet in the house.
Helpful, and professional
Michelle’s new job
The 80s ruled!
I can see you.

Autumn comes in like a lamb and leaves like lamb chops

There weren't as many scary kids this Halloween. Maybe it's because I'm older and kids scare me less now. Maybe it's because the pumpkins we carved were scary enough to keep the little freaks away.







Frizzle Frazzle Shaugar Bocca Bocca Hunta Kniveyeeezzzz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


A couple of weekends ago, Michelle and I went to Bennington VT to stay at a bed and breakfast for our anniversary. It was nice. We'll go back there again.

On the way up, we stopped at Mount Greyskull to hike around and test how well my new camo suit works. As you can see, I blend in perfectly.


It was nice to get back into nature. I spoke to the trees.


I pondered the meaning of the forest...


After a few hours, we got to the bed and breakfast.


That's actually not the place we stayed, but some old, rundown house. It was huge, but very crusty looking. Here's where we stayed.

The only down side was that is was so cold up there and there was already a foot of snow!

It was kind of rainy but it was okay. We went to visit the great granite pecker of Vermont, the tallest structure in the whole state.


We went inside to the top. It's pretty high up there. Click on this picture to see our car really tiny down below.


When we got home, I did some work on the shed. I got enough of the shed done so that I can use it. Now all the junk that was in my garage is in the shed and I can park the cars in the garage. It's pretty nice.



Now I have to rake the leaves in the yard.