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Friday Five 7/27/07

Top Five Lightsaber duels, from the Stars Wars movies, not the books, or comics, or some geeks on YouTube!, in order from good to best:

#5. Darth Vader vs. Obi Wan, Episode 4 - This is the first time you actually get to see a lightsaber duel. Pretty cool symbolically too, since Obi Wan's death is the catalyst to Luke's pursuit of the force.

#4. Yoda vs. Count Dooku, Episode 2 - Sure, a little green dude-thing that can barely hobble around with a cane all of a sudden can flip and jump and what not. It's pretty cheesy and I'm sure some real fans of the franchise chuckled when Yoda went all apeshit. I did. But through out all the movies you constantly hear about how awesome of a jedi Yoda is, and finally, you get to see it. I liked that.

#3. Yoda vs. Darth Sidious (Emperor Palpatine), Episode 3 - Again, Yoda goes all nuts, but this time, it's against a better bad guy. I also like this fight for reasons similar to #4. In the original trilogy, why would this awesomely bad ass dude like Vader serve some crusty old raisin faced short dude wrapped in a blanket? In the duel against Yoda, we get to see that Palpatine really can whoop up on some jedi trader punks if he needs to.

#2 . Darth Vader vs. Obi Wan, Episode 3 - During this is battle, Darth Vader is still mostly human. This fight is not only wonderfully choreographed with great special effects and cool music, but it's also highly significant to the plot of the story. Without the defeat of Anakin here, who knows if Darth Vader would ever become beaten down enough to be subservient to the emperor enough to go along with the emperor's plans.

#1. Darth Vader vs. Luke Skywalker, Episode 6 - How can this not be the top lightsaber battle? It's the climax of the story, and it restores order to the galaxy once again (until all the damn Expanded Universe books came out.) Luke shows he has become a true jedi and the good that's still inside of Anakin is finally set free. I especially love the part after Darth Vader has been knocked down by Luke and the emperor is using force lightning to kill Luke. Even though he has a helmet on, the camera angles and music make the emotions on Darth Vader's perfectly clear. It's such a great scene. Thinking about it now brings a tear to my eye. R.I.P., as one with the force, Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker.

May the force be with you.

Suck it, beotch

Freakin' Red Spoons!

I know I promised this Star Wars she-ite would end soon...and it will. I would be more careful if it weren't for all the other 80 million Star Wars freaks out there. In fact, I'm very self-conscious. I often think of many ways in which I am better than you.

"Nah...I'm just kidding. I love you guys." - Flexo (or at least, something he might say)

So I went to this Mexican restaurant and drank a few XX Lagers. Then I decided I needed more, so I go to the Super-duper market to get some beer since it was after 8 PM and only supermarkets sell beer that late in this stupid-ass state. While I ran through the aisles, I happened upon a bunch of cereal boxes that offer light-saber spoons.

I already have two red spoons, but would love a green or blue one (even if only to rub it into dMANb's face.)

So, with the approval of my master, Michelle, I purchased 4 boxes of cereal-2 for my nieces, and 2 for me, which, despite a promise I made (my fingers were crossed) I will never eat. I bought 2 Honey Smacks, 1 Crapple Jacks, and 1 Corn pops. We decided to give the Apple Jacks and 1 Honey Smacks to the girls.

I opened the other two right away. Crappola! 2 more red spoons. Poop on a stick!

Then we delivered the packages to the, albeit cute, ungrateful little beasts, and guess what...?

Katharine pulls out a GREEN light saber spoon. The little wench!

"Hey Katharine," I says, "I'll give you 2 red spoons for your measly 1 green one."

"No thanks," she answers. Then she adds, "I'm the only one with a green spoon." she even let the words linger in the air for a moment.

Damn children-too smart for their own good.

But I noticed she opened the Apple Jacks. Aha! It must be Apple Jacks that gives you the green spoon!

Finally, after about an hour of goodbyes, we left, and, again with my Master, Darth Michelle's permission, we return to Price Hopper, and I purchase the last box of Apple Jacks.

I run into the car eagerly awaiting my green light saber spoon. I can't wait to wave it into dMANb's face. Ha! I am the one true Jedi!

I pulled the box top open before I got to the car. Once inside, the suspense was killing me, and my master. She even said, "Hurry up, I want to see if it's green."

I deliberately slowly opened the packet to the spoon. I turned on the switch and connected the top. I pushed the button...

It was red!

F***in' Kellogg's assbags. (Sheesh! I almost swore in public...about a spoon!)

Anyway, I got home and drank 3 more beers, and decided to tell you about this.

Thanks for dinner AC.

I'm going to write Kellogg's a letter. Jerkynuts!

Darth Vader's Emotions

I stumbled upon this site a few weeks ago. Basically, a guy from Canada, (I think), wanted to generate more traffic to his website during the weeks leading up to the release of Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. He created a blog in the form of a diary of Darth Vader, in the time frame of the original trilogy.

There are two initial reactions one might have:
1) Star Wars fans will consider this degrading to the character of Darth Vader.
2) Non-fans will just find it stupid.

But the opposite is actually true. This guy is a terrific writer and he gets into the head of Vader without weakening his character or making him appear "cheesy." The diary adds to the story somewhat in that it deals with the complex emotions Darth Vader might be experiencing due to the new knowledge of his son, and his son's blind faith in the good that may or may not still exist in a man once called Anakin Skywalker. Even if you're not really a fan, it's hard to not appreciate the style of the author and his ability to share emotions so well from a character who seems emotionless.

I suggest starting at the beginning, reading the HTML or PDF version choronologically. The blog ran from April 11, 2005 to May 18, 2005, and was updated more or less daily.

It has inspired me to start working on a project I had conceived a few months ago. Maybe by mid-summer, I can begin sharing that with you. (It's not musical.)

A Star Wars note: In a month or two, Star Wars will die down a little and I promise I won't talk about it too much anymore.

COMING TOMORROW: My new guitar arrived today, but, because of a busy schedule today, I won't be able to play until later tonight.