This is why I always love F-minus sometimes

Click these symbols and stuff: !!&^#$&...,,,,;'~~'*&$4

S.I.T.

Internet traffic

So I have this idea. I'm going to try and see how many people will send me $1.
$1 is not that much to spare, especially for a good cause, such as stuff I want. Plus, it is still the season the giving. All I need to do is get one million people to read my blog and then get them to send me $1. Then my charity will be completely funded for now.

Tell all your friends about it!

First though, I need to drum up some traffic on my blog, so I've decided to fill my blog with some inconspicuous buzzwords to see if that helps get more people to visit.

You probably won't even notice them.




Unforunately, I don't have the talents of the naked chef Jamie Oliver, who cooks hot dishes for men and women. Or male scientists like Edison or Bell, both who lead to enhancement of communication in this world. Or even a world leader, like Obama, who gets excited about helping people all the time so they can obtain freedom from pirates while shipping oil around the persian gulf.

This might be a little harder than I first thought, man.


Suck it Trebek.


PS. STAR WARS BOOBS FREE GAS GREAT PRICES LIMITED EDITION

Recent Idiot Sighting

Idiots are still everywhere...

I imagine this is part of the language in the lawsuit:

"I didn't follow the directions, and things didn't turn out as I wanted, so it's their fault. I am a fartknocker."



Link here (or click above pic for larger image)

Making stupid things funny

Sometimes things are so stupid they are funny. Like Kung Pow! Enter the Fist, or Tenacious D. Other times things so stupid, they are just stupid. Like Garfield. The guy that writes Garfield is so stupid that if it weren't for something else that I'm going to tell you about, I'd be seriously pissed off that I've wasted any time even knowing that Garfield exists. It's just so stupid. Not funny. Never.

Sometimes I wonder if it's all really only funny to Jim Davis, but not funny because of the content--funny because he actually gets millions to write such a stupid comic. Maybe it's a joke he's playing on the world. That's the funny part to him. He probably laughs every time he writes saying, "Ha! Some bozo's going to cut this out of the paper and put it on their fridge. Loser."

Fortunately, I stumbled upon, Garfield minus Garfield. Great stuff; not only it is unintendedly humorous, but it's funnier than the original comic, further reiterating how crappy the original strip is.

Here are some great strips I saw while looking through the website:
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
#6
#7
#8

PS. These Garfield minus Garfield are also stupid, but so stupid it's sort of funny. Maybe it's a relative thing. Man, I hate Garfield.

I Like Cheese

My son is pretty cool. He doesn't mind if I play drums and he actually likes it when I sing Tenacious D to him.

You should always read F Minus sometimes. It's about 50% as good as The Far Side was, but those 50% are pretty damn funny.

This comic, for example, is a great example of how art imitates life. It's about Logan.


Click on the comic a larger version.





Ha ha ha ha ha!

I ate a pony for breakfast

'Sup Bitch?

Fo' shizzle, two posts in two days... an owl and a bungee cord must be mixed!

I will watch this movie. Seriously.

Bill and Sue, July 8th 1997

Here at Meglo*Life, we have bulletin boards throughout the building for the employees to use. People can create ads for things for sale, carpooling, free stuff, etc. They get updated every 2 weeks or so.

The other day, I noticed one announcement where someone was looking for a lost men's wedding band, with the names and wedding date engraved on it. So I called the number up and a guy answered.

GUY: Hello?

ME: Hey there. I think I found your lost wedding band.

GUY: Really? That's great! I was afraid my wife was going to kill me... (chuckles a little)

ME: Sue?

GUY: What?

ME: Your wife, Sue?

GUY: Uh...

ME: Sue was going to kill you?

GUY: (silence)

ME: Anyway I have your ring. "Bill and Sue, July 8th, 1997"

GUY: My wife's not named Sue.

ME: Then why do you have "Sue" engraved on your wedding band?

GUY: It's obviously not my wedding band.

ME: Oh, geez. Sorry, I'm a little dense today. No wonder you sounded confused. I'm sorry.

GUY: That's alright. It's weird that some other guy also lost his ring.

ME: Yeah, and as coincidences go, this guy has the same anniversary as me. (laughing a little)

GUY: Oh wow, really? Isn't that something!

ME: And my wife's name is Sue, too!

GUY: Huh?

ME: What a minute, this is my ring! Good thing I didn't lose it like some kinda knucklehead. My wife would kill me.

GUY: You know, you're a real ass.

More fun here, here, here, or here.

Yo Joe!

Shit.

I had heard of You Tube before, but never checked it out until my pal dMANb sent me a link to a video on that site. Not only is the site mostly crap, but it's also mostly copyright infringement. Regardless of that though, it has some freakin' funny stuff. I was able to find all sorts of crazy crapsticks GI Joe public service annoucements, reworked to be more accurate.

Here's an example:
Original here
Reworked here

Check them out, but don't bother if you never watched GI Joe, you'll miss most of the joke. This stuff never gets old.
And, remember knowing is half the battle.

GI Joe #1, "Look at your different colored hats!"
GI Joe #2, "You're not my friend."
GI Joe #3, "Holy Cow, I'm totally going so fast!"
GI Joe #4, "Pork Chop Sandwiches!"
GI Joe #5, "They wake the next day and they're on fire."
GI Joe #6, "Stop all the downloading!"
GI Joe #7, "Huh?"
GI Joe #8, "Who wants a body message?"
GI Joe #9, "Damn, these beats are so fresh!"
GI Joe #10, "We should totally hit it again."
GI Joe #11, I have no idea what they are saying but it's funny to laugh at people who are different then us

P.S. Don't watch these at work.
P.S.S. John DeStefano looks like a toad.
P.P.S.S Brewing this weekend, sweet.

Pants

I went to get a few pairs of pants. I found about 4 or 5 prospective pairs on the racks at the store, and brought them the changing room area. Michelle followed me, and she waited in the open area near the changing room I was in, so she could okay my choices before I bought anything.

I tried the first pair on an thought they fit fine. I opened the changing room door and showed her. She approved. I went in, took of the pants, and threw them over the door to her.

I tried on pair #2. They were okay, but the pockets looked a little weird. I opened the changing room door and showed Michelle. She also felt the pockets looked weird. I went back into the changing room and left those pants on the shelf in there, since I wasn't going to buy them.

I tried on pair #3 and they fit okay and the pockets looked fine. I opened the door, showed Michelle, and got her approval. I went back into the changing room, took them off and tossed them over the door to Michelle, but...

as I did this, a man came into the changing room area and quickly walked passed Michelle, intercepting the pair of pants with his face. Seriously. I heard Michelle say, "Oh, I'm so sorry sir."

The guy seemed good natured about it. Once I was back in my clothes, I opened the changing room door to see Michelle just about rolling on the floor with laughter.

Moral of the story: My pants will ninja kick your ass. Don't mess with Texas.

Sign of the Times

I love funny things. I'm sort of funny myself, but mostly corny. There is a huge difference, but no one seems to mind.

I happened upon this funny blog and it makes me laugh until I stop. That's a good thing.

Check it out:

Signs of the times

Office Shenanigans III

So there's this dude here who feels he needs to listen to his voice-mail on speaker phone. The more I get to know him, the more Dilbert-esque he becomes.

Anyway, rather than be polite and ask why he's such an inconsiderate idiot, I figured the best learning is through experience.

At lunch, I went to my car, got my cell phone and called his line when I knew he wasn't at his desk. I left him a message with just one word, "penis," which I repeatedly yelled as loud as I could for about 30 seconds. Since the phone network here at Meglo*Life works through a switchboard, it would be impossible for him to know who the call was from, other than that it was "an outside caller."

After lunch, he noticed his voice-mail light was on, so he hit the speaker phone button, and dialed up his voice-mail account. Sure enough, once he "hit the 1 key to hear new messages" the people in the surrounding cubicles got treated to a barrage of "penis" as loud as the phone could go, until he quickly picked up the receiver, thus turning off the speaker phone.

I want to call him again next week to see if he'll still listen to voice-mail on speaker phone.

More fun here, here, or here.

Freakin' Red Spoons!

I know I promised this Star Wars she-ite would end soon...and it will. I would be more careful if it weren't for all the other 80 million Star Wars freaks out there. In fact, I'm very self-conscious. I often think of many ways in which I am better than you.

"Nah...I'm just kidding. I love you guys." - Flexo (or at least, something he might say)

So I went to this Mexican restaurant and drank a few XX Lagers. Then I decided I needed more, so I go to the Super-duper market to get some beer since it was after 8 PM and only supermarkets sell beer that late in this stupid-ass state. While I ran through the aisles, I happened upon a bunch of cereal boxes that offer light-saber spoons.

I already have two red spoons, but would love a green or blue one (even if only to rub it into dMANb's face.)

So, with the approval of my master, Michelle, I purchased 4 boxes of cereal-2 for my nieces, and 2 for me, which, despite a promise I made (my fingers were crossed) I will never eat. I bought 2 Honey Smacks, 1 Crapple Jacks, and 1 Corn pops. We decided to give the Apple Jacks and 1 Honey Smacks to the girls.

I opened the other two right away. Crappola! 2 more red spoons. Poop on a stick!

Then we delivered the packages to the, albeit cute, ungrateful little beasts, and guess what...?

Katharine pulls out a GREEN light saber spoon. The little wench!

"Hey Katharine," I says, "I'll give you 2 red spoons for your measly 1 green one."

"No thanks," she answers. Then she adds, "I'm the only one with a green spoon." she even let the words linger in the air for a moment.

Damn children-too smart for their own good.

But I noticed she opened the Apple Jacks. Aha! It must be Apple Jacks that gives you the green spoon!

Finally, after about an hour of goodbyes, we left, and, again with my Master, Darth Michelle's permission, we return to Price Hopper, and I purchase the last box of Apple Jacks.

I run into the car eagerly awaiting my green light saber spoon. I can't wait to wave it into dMANb's face. Ha! I am the one true Jedi!

I pulled the box top open before I got to the car. Once inside, the suspense was killing me, and my master. She even said, "Hurry up, I want to see if it's green."

I deliberately slowly opened the packet to the spoon. I turned on the switch and connected the top. I pushed the button...

It was red!

F***in' Kellogg's assbags. (Sheesh! I almost swore in public...about a spoon!)

Anyway, I got home and drank 3 more beers, and decided to tell you about this.

Thanks for dinner AC.

I'm going to write Kellogg's a letter. Jerkynuts!