Autumn comes in like a lamb and leaves like lamb chops

There weren't as many scary kids this Halloween. Maybe it's because I'm older and kids scare me less now. Maybe it's because the pumpkins we carved were scary enough to keep the little freaks away.







Frizzle Frazzle Shaugar Bocca Bocca Hunta Kniveyeeezzzz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


A couple of weekends ago, Michelle and I went to Bennington VT to stay at a bed and breakfast for our anniversary. It was nice. We'll go back there again.

On the way up, we stopped at Mount Greyskull to hike around and test how well my new camo suit works. As you can see, I blend in perfectly.


It was nice to get back into nature. I spoke to the trees.


I pondered the meaning of the forest...


After a few hours, we got to the bed and breakfast.


That's actually not the place we stayed, but some old, rundown house. It was huge, but very crusty looking. Here's where we stayed.

The only down side was that is was so cold up there and there was already a foot of snow!

It was kind of rainy but it was okay. We went to visit the great granite pecker of Vermont, the tallest structure in the whole state.


We went inside to the top. It's pretty high up there. Click on this picture to see our car really tiny down below.


When we got home, I did some work on the shed. I got enough of the shed done so that I can use it. Now all the junk that was in my garage is in the shed and I can park the cars in the garage. It's pretty nice.



Now I have to rake the leaves in the yard.

This is a poem I wrote for Michelle.It's meaningless to you, but to her...

You are a mommy now,
so maybe sometimes you forget that



you are mine.



I don't forget,
when I see you sleeping, dreaming
with subtle smiles crossing your face.
You can touch my arm as I sleep next to you,
I won't mind it,
even if I say I do.



You will always be my favorite thing in the world.

"Ah, you could handle a 10 pounder no problem..." - Dr. Mortman to Michelle

So, a couple of Saturdays ago, Michelle and I went to a day long birthing class at the hospital. In one day, the number of times I've heard someone say the word vagina in my life has doubled. Vagina. Ewww... the images in my head make me want to hurl.

Anyway, we learned a lot about labor and delivery. Since I'm altruistic, I'll share some of the tips we learned with you.

1. Plan Ahead:
When the labor begins and it's time to get to hospital, we won't have time to pack, so we need to pack ahead of time. I'll need to bring a book, because most of the time, Michelle will be lying there grunting and breathing all weird. Music can help take your mind off labor pains too, so I plan on bringing my iPod so I can block out some of the noises Michelle will be making when I put the headphones on and turn it up a little. Also, BYOB. The hospital cafeteria doesn't serve beer, so you need to bring your own. (Of course, it's not for the mother to be, it's for me.)

2. Relax:
I gathered from the RN teaching the class that most of the time we will spend lounging around like these:

............
(Actual photos from a the hand-outs, seriously.)


I plan on catching some shut eye during this time.

3. Know your role:
Most of the time, the "coach" tries to get too involved. Basically, the dads should just sit back and let the nurses do all the work. Hell, that's what they're paid for. We got to watch a movie and the guy in the movie was laying on the bed while the mother walked around the room. That is clearly the best way to approach it, or else the RN teaching the class wouldn't have shown us that movie.

4. Be supportive:
I guess labor is slightly uncomfortable. It's good to be supportive of the mother while she's in active labor. This can be done by rubbing her belly vigorously or getting right into her face and singing show tunes.
Some supportive words to say are:

"You're doing a good job!"
"Come on, how bad can it really hurt?"
"Hell, cave women just grunted them out and then chewed the umbilical cord off with their teeth (then ordered Geico insurance.)"
"Your body was made to do this so suck it up and quit your whining."
or
"Hey, you're the one who wanted kids in the first place."

When the baby's finally born, it's good to let the mother know you're proud of her. Again, there are a few common phrases to say to get the point across:

"You know, in a few months, you'll actually look good again."
"How do we make this thing stop crying?"
"How did something so cute come out of something so ugly?"
and
"By the way, I'm not changing any diapers."

I hope those tips can help you out. Because I care.

New Job

Not for me. I still work as a senior vice junior duke associate brigadier admiral of production at Meglo*Life. But today is Michelle's first day in her new job: Domestic Engineer.

I know some of you have no idea what it is that a domestic engineer does, so I figured I include a link to the American Society of Domestic Engineer.

htp://www.domesticengineersofamerica.orge/rules_fo_de_biotches

I think this is an exciting career change for her and hope it brings her an interesting challenge.

IV

When our story is told,
people will grow warm in their hearts,
they will laugh, they will smile,
they will weep with joy,
and they will ask themselves,

“Why can’t my life be so happy?”


This is the story I want to tell
because if I do, they will surely fall in love with you,
just as I have,
and I do,
each day,
over
and over again.

Honorary Honors?

Apparently after reading this Forbes™ article on me:

MAN IS AWESOME
A man working at Meglo*Life in Wheathog, Connecticut is considered by many to be the most awesome man that ever existed in the entire universe, both the known and unknown universe.

When questioned, the man humbly replied, "Yes, I am awesome." At that point, the interviewer's head exploded and candy flew out of it all over the floor. Co-workers of the awesome man all ran around and gathered the candy.

"He truly is awesome," one co-worker exclaimed as he munched on some sweets.

"This candy is pulling my fillings out," another said.

The awesome man is known as Mike, but most people refer to him simply as
'Sir.'

Michelle then found this article about her in TIME™:

WIFE OF THE YEAR
The small rural town of HomerSimpson, CT is home to TIME Magazine's 2005 Wife Of The Year. "This was the easiest decision ever" said the editor of Time, "There was really no contest once we saw Mrs. D's credentials". To achieve this feat, Michelle allowed her husband to spend a gillion dollars on a drumset, and then continue to invest money on cymbals. For Christmas she even bought him new drum heads & sticks. Barring a migraine, she does not mind her husband banging away every evening when he gets home from work. She even makes dinner, vacuums, mops, does the dishes, and brings home the bacon. But what really put her on top was the fact that she didn't even complain when her husband burned through $400 of oil to keep his
beer warm.

"Thank you for this honor. Honestly this is overwhelming, as I am simply just going about my business, doing things that need to be done". Said Michelle as she put the finishing touches on her cousin's two-tier shower cake.

What's next in store for this super-woman? "Well, I was thinking of getting a pet rabbit and naming him Brer".


Can you believe that? We're getting a rabbit.

III

There were flowers and the sweet smell in the air was nearly enough to cause delusional euphoria. Beyond the mix of plants and stones, a brook softly spoke at them, nestled quietly in the small valley formed by the receding park and the ascending hills. Beyond the hills, the sky shone down in a deep twilight blue, so brilliant it was almost too much to stand. The blue flinched and waned away into the light green peaks of the distance mountains. A pink sun kissed down upon the mountain tops, wishing them well for the night. The first of the stars had graced it's presence upon the park. A warm breeze quickened through the trees. It grabbed at the two of them; pulling, tugging, hampering their grip around each other.

Yet they were unbroken in their embrace, as if they were one.

A kiss traced it's way from his lips onto hers. Within it were one thousand and more words. Each word ran through her body, delighting her senses, complimenting her beauty. She shuttered with the accolades they brought. She was a mirror of his love for her, and it raced back into him, warm, and joyous, exhilarating. Their lips parted for a moment of breath. A soft white glow glistened in her eyes as she looked into his. Unknowingly, she peered deep into his soul. He looked back at his reasons, the only reason, and drew a deep breath into his lungs: He would never stop doing this. Even if it was for ever.

The world had stopped in this moment. The power between them was that much: enough to tear down the mountains, every single distance rock crushed, enough to blacken the sun, erase the stars and boil the grass in this field with the lava of the Earth's heart.

And they then would build it all again.

This was the mystery they sought to solve. It would continue forever. Over and over again.

An Actual Quote

So, Michelle actually said this: "guess I'm not that great of a wife..."

I think we all want her to be a great wife so let's show her our support by electronically signing a "petition" for her here. This is a show of support. I figure if enough people tell her (via this blog posting) that she is a good wife, she might actually start to recognize the truth. I know she's great. She just needs a little support.

Click here to show your support.

I'll share your comments with her.